Mr.Rebates

Mr. Rebates

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Awesome Power of Family Courts


 

 

The month of June when we observe Father's Day is a good time to review some of the injustices committed against fathers by family courts. Family courts routinely deprive divorced fathers not only of their own children, but even many constitutional rights.

For example, do you think judges should have the power to decide to which religion your children must belong and which churches they may be prohibited from attending? In December 2009 a Chicago judge did exactly that.
Cook County Circuit Judge Edward Jordan issued a restraining order to prohibit Joseph Reyes from taking his three-year-old daughter to any non-Jewish religious activities because his ex-wife argued that would contribute to "the emotional detriment of the child." Mrs. Rebecca Reyes wants to raise her daughter in the Jewish religion, and the judge sided with the mother. Joseph Reyes' divorce attorney, Joel Brodsky, when he saw the judge's restraining order, said, "I almost fell off my chair. I thought maybe we were in Afghanistan and this was the Taliban."

Mr. Reyes took his daughter to church anyway and let the Chicago media know about it. Soon he was back in court to be prosecuted for contempt in violating the family court order. The good news is that Reyes, fortunately, drew another Cook County judge, Renee Goldfarb, who ruled on April 13, 2010 that Reyes can take his daughter to "church services during his visitation time if he so chooses." Judge Goldfarb said her decision to let Reyes take his daughter to church was based on "the best interest of the child," but then criticized Reyes for going public with his case.

This case is a good illustration of the dictatorial power of the family courts. Both judges purported to decide what church a child can attend based on the judge's personal opinion about what is "the best interest of the child." The choice of a church should be none of the government's business, even if the parents are divorced, and "best interest" should be decided by parents, not judges.

Not only did the family court try to take away a father's parental rights and his freedom of religion rights, but also his First Amendment free-speech rights. The second judge severely criticized Reyes for telling the media about his case. But publicity was the reason the family court backtracked from sending Reyes to jail for violating the restraining order. It's important to shine the light of publicity on the outrageous denial of parental rights by the family courts.

In another divorce case last year, a family court in New Hampshire (where the state motto is "Live Free or Die") ordered ten-year-old Amanda Kurowski to quit being homeschooled by her mother and instead to attend fifth grade in the local public school. Judge Lucinda V. Sadler approved the court-appointed expert's view that Amanda "appeared to reflect her mother's rigidity on questions of faith" and that Amanda "would be best served by exposure to multiple points of view."

Where did family court judges get the power to decide what church and what school the children of divorced parents must attend? Family court judges have amassed this extraordinary power by co-opting and changing the definition of a time-honored concept: "the best interest of the child."

This rule originally came from English common law as compiled by William Blackstone in 1765, and meant that parents are presumed to act in their own children's best interest. For centuries, English and American courts honored parents' rights by recognizing the legal presumption that the best interest of a child is whatever a fit parent says it is, and should not be second-guessed by a judge.

However, when U.S. state legislatures revised their family-law statutes in the 1970s, the "best interest of the child" became disconnected from parents' decisions. Family courts assumed the discretion to decide the best interest of children of divorced and unmarried parents, and enforce their opinions by using their power to send fathers to jail and to tell them how they must spend their money.

The notion that persons other than parents should decide what is in a child's best interest is illustrated by the slogan "it takes a village to raise a child." Those who use that slogan understand "village" to mean government officials and employees of the courts, the public schools, and the departments of children and family services.
The "best interest" rule is totally subjective; it's a matter of individual opinion. Parents make thousands of decisions about their children, and should have the right to make their decisions even if they contravene so-called experts. Whether the decision is big (such as where to go to church or school), or small (such as playing baseball or soccer), there is no objective way to say which is "best."

Since judges are supposed to base their decisions on evidence presented in open court, and there is no objective basis for deciding thousands of questions involved in raising a child, judges often call on the testimony of expert witnesses. A big industry has grown up of psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, custody evaluators, and counselors who are eager to collect fees for giving their opinions. Having opinions produced by persons with academic degrees is a way to make subjective and arbitrary judgments appear objective. With the volume of cases coming through family courts, judges can evade responsibility for controversial decisions by rubber-stamping opinions of these court-appointed experts.

Sometimes these rulings are against women, but most decisions are against men, especially fathers. It's time to call a halt to the practice of letting family court judges make decisions that are rightfully the prerogative of parents.

Putting Men in Debtors' Prisons
 
Did you know that a family court can order a man to reimburse the government for the welfare money, falsely called "child support," which was paid to the mother of a child to whom he is not related? Did you know that, if he doesn't pay, a judge can sentence him to debtor's prison without ever letting him have a jury trial?
Did you know that debtor's prisons (putting men in prison because they can't pay a debt) were abolished in the United States even before we abolished slavery, but that they exist today to punish men who are too poor to pay what is falsely called "child support"?

Did you know that when corporations can't pay their debts, they can take bankruptcy, which means they pay off their debts for pennies on the dollar, but a man can never get an alleged "child support" debt forgiven or reduced, even if he is out of a job, penniless and homeless, medically incapacitated, incarcerated (justly or unjustly), can't afford a lawyer, serving in our Armed Forces overseas, or never owed the money in the first place?

Did you know that when a woman applying for welfare handouts lies about who is the father of her child, she is never prosecuted for perjury? Did you know that judges can refuse to accept DNA evidence showing that the man she accuses is not the father? Did you know that alleged "child support" has nothing to do with supporting a child because the mother has no obligation to spend even one dollar of it on a child, and in many cases none of the "support" money ever gets to a child because it goes to fatten the payroll of the child-support bureaucracy? These are among the injustices that the feminists, and their docile liberal male allies, have inflicted on men.

Most of these family court injustices are caused by the Bradley Amendment, named for its sponsor former Democratic Senator from New Jersey and presidential candidate Bill Bradley. That 1986 federal law prohibits retroactive reduction of alleged "child support" even in the circumstances listed above. The Bradley law denies bankruptcy protections, overrides all statutes of limitation, and forbids judicial consideration of obvious inability to pay. Most Bradley-law victims never come to national attention because, as Bernard Goldberg wrote in his book Bias, mainstream media toe the feminist propaganda line, denigrating men, especially fathers, and using the epithet "deadbeat dads."

But one egregious case did make news in 2009. Frank Hatley was in a Georgia jail for more than a year for failure to pay alleged "child support" even though a DNA test nine years earlier, plus a second one in 2009, proved that he is not the father. His ex-girlfriend had lied and claimed he was. The August 21, 2001 court order, signed by Judge Dane Perkins, acknowledged that Hatley is not the father, but nevertheless ordered him to continue paying and never told him he could have a court-appointed lawyer if he could not afford one.
Hatley subsequently paid the government (not the mom or child) thousands of dollars in "child support." Even after he was laid off from his job unloading charcoal grills from shipping containers and reduced to living in his car, he continued making payments out of his unemployment benefits.

But he didn't pay enough to satisfy the avaricious child-support bureaucrats, so Judge Perkins ruled Hatley in contempt of court and sent him to jail without any jury trial. With the help of a Legal Services lawyer, he was released from jail and relieved from future assessments, but (because of the Bradley Amendment) the government demanded that Hatley continue paying at the rate of $250 a month until he paid off the $16,398 debt the government claimed he accumulated earlier (even though the court then knew he was not the father). He paid the debt down to $10,000 but was jailed for six months in 2006 for falling behind on payments during a period of unemployment. When he became unemployed and homeless in 2008, he was jailed again.
Altogether, Hatley paid so-called "child support" for 13 years and spent 13 months in jail because of a woman's lie, the Bradley Amendment, the ruthless "child support" bureaucracy, and the bias of the family court against fathers.

In 2009, the court relieved Hatley of any future child support payments (probably because of press publicity about this case) but did not restore his driver's license. This system is morally and constitutionally wrong and the Bradley Amendment is particularly evil, yet all authorities say the court orders were lawful.

Another type of feminist indignity is the use in divorce cases of false allegations of child sexual abuse in order to gain child custody and the financial windfall that goes with it. Former Vancouver, Washington, police Officer Ray Spencer spent nearly 20 years in prison after being convicted of molesting his two children who are now adults and say it never happened.

The son, who was 9 years old at the time, was questioned, alone, for months until he said he had been abused in order to get the interrogator to leave him alone. The daughter, who was then age 5, said she talked to the interrogator after he gave her ice cream.

There were many other violations of due process in Spencer's trial, such as prosecutors withholding medical exams that showed no evidence of abuse, and his court-appointed lawyer failing to prepare a defense, but the judge nevertheless sentenced Spencer to two life terms in prison plus 14 years. Spencer was five times denied parole because he refused to admit guilt, a customary parole practice that is maliciously designed to save face for prosecutors who prosecute innocent men.

Depriving Men of Constitutional Rights
 
Family courts routinely deprive men of their fundamental right to parent their own children, by charging them with a wide variety of trivial offenses. Family courts generally uphold feminists' demands to kick a man out of his own home, and take control of their children and his money, based on a woman's unsubstantiated allegations. The principal tactics in this racket are domestic violence accusations and court-issued restraining orders.

The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) was passed in 1994 as a payoff to the radical feminists for helping to elect Bill Clinton President in 1992. Personal sponsorship of this law was taken over by then-Senator Joe Biden.

VAWA shows the hypocrisy of noisy feminist demands that we kowtow to their ideology of gender neutrality, to their claim that there is no difference between male and female, and to their opposition to stereotyping and gender profiling. There is nothing sex neutral about VAWA. It is based on the proposition that there are, indeed, innate gender differences: men are naturally batterers and women are naturally victims. VAWA is not designed to eliminate or punish violence, but to punish only alleged violence against women. Most of the shelters financed by VAWA do not accept men as victims.

VAWA has been known from the getgo as "feminist pork" because it puts $1 Billion a year of U.S. taxpayers' money into the hands of the radical feminists. They have set up shop in domestic violence shelters where they promote divorce, marriage breakup, hatred of men, and false accusations, while rejecting marriage counseling, reconciliation, drug-abuse treatment, and evidence of mutual-partner abuse. There is no investigation or accountability for the taxpayers' money spent in these shelters.

VAWA makes taxpayers' money available to the feminists to lobby state legislators to pass feminist laws, to train law enforcement personnel and judges in using the laws, and to fund enforcement.

VAWA provides the woman with free legal counsel to pursue her allegations, but not the man to defend himself. He is on his own to find and pay a lawyer — or struggle without one.

Feminists have changed state laws in order to get family courts to operate on a loosey-goosey definition of family violence. It doesn't have to be violent. It can simply be what a man says or how he looks at a woman. It can even be what a woman thinks he might do or say. Definitions of violence include calling your partner a naughty word, raising your voice, causing "annoyance" or "emotional distress," claiming to be "fearful," or just not doing what your partner wants.

Feminists have persuaded most states to adopt mandatory arrest laws. That means, when the police arrive at a disturbance and lack good information on who is to blame, they are nevertheless legally bound to arrest somebody. Three guesses who is usually arrested.

Feminists have lobbied most states into passing no-drop prosecution laws. Those laws make the prosecutor legally bound to go forward with prosecution even if the woman recants her charges or wants to drop them. Studies show that women do recant or ask to drop the charges in 60% of criminal allegations, but the law requires prosecution against the man to proceed regardless. Along with the loss of other constitutional rights, the man thus loses his right to confront and cross-examine his accuser.

VAWA has a built-in incentive for the woman to make false charges of domestic violence because she knows she will never be prosecuted for perjury. Charging domestic violence practically guarantees she will get custody of the children and sever forever the father's relationship with his children even though the alleged violence had nothing whatever to do with any abuse of the children. Judges are required to consider allegations of domestic violence in awarding child custody, even though no evidence of abuse was ever presented.

'Gamesmanship' of Restraining Orders
 
Family court judges issue restraining orders virtually for the asking, without any evidence of actual domestic violence or even threat of violence. The Illinois Bar Journal (June 2005) explained how women use court-issued restraining orders as a tool for the mother to get sole child custody and to bar the father from visitation. In big type, the Journal proclaimed: "Orders of protection are designed to prevent domestic violence, but they can also become part of the gamesmanship of divorce."

The "game" is that mothers can assert falsehoods or trivial complaints against the father, in order to get a restraining order based on the presumption that men are naturally abusers of women. Restraining orders are in reality a tactical legal maneuver familiar to all family court attorneys as a way to obtain an order of contempt and unfairly increase the leverage of one side (typically the woman) in bargaining with the other (typically the man).

The Fourth Amendment guarantees U.S. citizens the right to be "secure in their persons, house, papers, and effects." But each year, restraining orders are issued against at least two million men without proof or even evidence, forcing innocent men out of their homes. In 33 states, fathers can be thrown in jail for even a technical violation of a restraining order, such as sending a child a birthday card or telephoning a child on an unapproved day.

Family courts have avoided facing up to whether the restraining orders issued against fathers are constitutional. Accused criminals enjoy a long list of constitutional rights, but feminists have persuaded judges to issue orders that restrain actions of non-criminal husbands and fathers, and punish them based on flimsy, unproved accusations. Most states do not require proof by a clear and convincing standard of evidence. Even though these restraining orders are issued without the due process required for criminal prosecutions, they carry the threat of a prison sentence for anyone who violates them.

The New Jersey Law Journal reported that an instructor taught judges to be merciless to husbands and fathers, saying, "Throw him out on the street, give him the clothes on his back, and tell him 'See ya' around.'" People have a better chance to prove their innocence in traffic court than when subjected to a restraining order.

Too often, the restraining order serves no legitimate purpose, but is just an easy way for one spouse to get revenge or the upper hand in a divorce or child custody dispute. Once a restraining order is issued, it becomes nearly impossible for a father to regain custody or even get to see his own children. That is the result even though the alleged domestic violence (which doesn't have to be physical or proven) did not involve the children at all.

Probably two million restraining orders are issued each year in domestic relationships. These restraining orders almost certainly increase violence and harm, because studies show that the safest place for adults and children is in a home with two parents, rather than one that is broken by a restraining order. In 1999 there were 58,200 abductions of children by non-family members, a crime typically the direct result of inadequate adult supervision. When an adult is ordered out of a home based on some allegation of domestic violence, the children in that home are no longer supervised, and victimization by crime (and accidents) necessarily increases.

There is no evidence that the millions of restraining orders issued annually each year increase the overall safety of the applicants or their children, and most likely the opposite is true.

It is false to claim that because domestic violence often occurs behind closed doors, it is somehow difficult to prove. In fact, real domestic violence is easier to prove than most crimes. Medical record and forensic evidence is clear and convincing for real domestic violence, and the time and place of the crime are easy to determine, and a restraining order may be appropriate.

What is difficult is to disprove false allegations of non-serious domestic violence, so a higher standard of proof is essential to sift fact from fiction.

It seems elementary that husband and fathers who are accused of crimes by their wives or girl friends should have the same constitutional rights accorded to any criminal, but they do not in family courts. They are routinely denied equal treatment under law, the right to a fair trial, the presumption of innocence until proven guilty, the right to confront accusers, and a court-appointed lawyer when they can't afford to hire an attorney.
It's time to restore basic constitutional rights to husbands and fathers and repudiate the feminist agenda that treats men as guilty unless proven innocent.

VAWA will be coming up for reauthorization soon, and it must be reformed. Reforming the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) is today's basic civil rights issue. Domestic violence must be redefined to mean violence. State laws must be changed to repeal mandatory arrest laws and no-drop prosecution laws. We must eliminate the incentives for false accusations of domestic violence, which include using restraining orders as the "gamesmanship" for divorce, child custody, money, or ownership of the family home.
Persons accused of domestic violence, man or woman, are entitled to have fundamental constitutional rights, including due process and presumption of innocence until proven guilty by clear and convincing evidence in court.

Understanding Feminists and Their Fantasies





The feminist movement has had an immense effect on American culture, laws, education and social relationships. A principal tenet of the doctrine of Political Correctness, feminism is the prevailing dogma on university campuses and in the book industry. The feminists are powerful enough in the media, in schools and colleges, and in politics and government to intimidate most of their opposition, especially men. The best book that methodically challenges the feminist ideology is Carolyn Graglia's Domestic Tranquility. She does a brilliant job of refuting the feminist ideologues' tiresome tirades. Check out any library under "women" and you will find that Mrs. Graglia's book is pitted against hundreds of feminist volumes. Phyllis Schlafly's The Power of the Positive Woman, published in 1977, is long since out of print and was censored by the libraries when it was in print.
But refuting feminist ideology is not enough. It is necessary to have intelligent critiques of feminist behavior, hypocrisies, language, and political and social activism. We need exposés of the ripple effects of their ideology in the laws that were changed during the last generation, in their proposals that were defeated, in debates in legislatures, in the scripting of television programs and movies, in the social experimentation in our armed services, in day-to-day social relationships, and in the changing attitudes and roles of men and women.
A few brave women have tackled limited parts of this movement; e.g., Suzanne Fields' wonderful columns in the Washington Times, some delicious dissections of feminist hypocrisies by Ann Coulter, Christina Hoff Sommers' dissertations on the feminists' war against boys, and several books exposing the double standards in the military. Criticisms of feminism are conspicuously absent from the writings of otherwise prolific male authors and commentators, and the few who have tried it have suffered career-damaging retaliation.
Years ago, I subscribed to a newsletter of timely jokes written by a successful practitioner of clean one-line comedy. I got tired of the abundance of jokes about dumb wives and wrote the author that I would cancel my subscription unless he gave equal time to jokes about feminists, whose antics and remarks are far funnier. He never answered me -- he didn't dare face the wrath of the feminists, knowing they have no sense of humor.
My new book called Feminist Fantasies (just published by Spence Publishing Company in Dallas) is the first book that tackles the feminists where the rubber meets the road -- on the battlefields of television and radio talk shows, in legislative hearings, and in college courses. The book consists of 92 of my essays on feminism written over the past thirty years chronicling how the feminists spewed their anti-family message in the media, in state capitols, and on university campuses. These essays show how their destructive dogmas took root in our culture and led many young women down the primrose path to a lonely, barren life.
The St.Louis Post-Dispatch ran a four-column news article this year about an aging feminist, a 30-year member of the National Organization for Women, who is still pouting because in the 1960s she was called a stewardess instead of an airline attendant. She showed the reporter her scrapbook of treasured pictures -- not of any grandchildren, but of Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Bella Abzug and Florence Kennedy. Pathetically, she fantasizes that the Equal Rights Amendment will make her happy.
Feminist Fantasies provides a unique look at feminism from the battlefield where the action is -- where I've been for the past thirty years. It takes you inside the controversies of the feminist movement from its heyday in the 1970s through its second and third waves. No other book explains how feminist dogma has been translated into political strategy and tactics, federal and state legislation, litigation to invite judicial activism, movie and television scripts, newspaper features, military regulations, college courses and school textbooks. No other book provides a reasoned criticism of feminist follies in every aspect of the culture.
Feminist Fantasies shows how the feminists captured the media, including its famous talking heads, and converted television into a maker of social trends rather than a reporter or a mirror of real life. I trace the feminist campaign to reinvent the family in their own image through television talk shows and sitcoms, movies made by Hollywood and for television, music from opera to rock, newspaper news and editorials, art, advertising, and business magazines.
Feminist Fantasies tackles the contradictory goals of feminism: equality plus preferential treatment. It explains the feminists' devious devices to achieve power in the workplace through deceitful sloganeering such as "comparable worth" and "glass ceiling." It exposes how the feminists define equality as access to tax-funded abortions and same-sex marriages. It tells about their campaigns to restructure the American legal system, to pursue their global goals, to enforce double standards, and to use academia to locate and train recruits for their cause. It describes the feminists' identity crisis.
Feminist Fantasies should be must reading for every young woman. It's a vaccine against the contagious disease of feminism. I dare the Women's Studies departments of colleges and universities to use it to balance the scores of feminist books customarily assigned to brainwash female students. The foreword by Ann Coulter underscores this book's importance.
This book shows how the longtime feminist goal of a gender-neutral society was the motivation behind the campaigns for the Equal Rights Amendment and for the feminization of the military. Feminist goals are incompatible with the combat readiness we need in times of war, a priority that has taken on a new urgency because of events since 9/11. The brave firefighters who charged up the towers of the World Trade Center, and our Special Forces who dared to enter the caves in Afghanistan, need our help to defend themselves and their work against the feminists who despise macho men.
The feminists' goal is to eradicate from our culture everything that is masculine and remake us into a gender-neutral society. We see their handiwork in textbook revision and in the constant haranguing by the language gestapo to force us to use such gender-neutral idiocies as he/she. We see this in the war on boys through abolishing recess, overprescribing Ritalin, and the zero tolerance policies that forbid them to play cops and robbers. We see this in the sex integration of Virginia Military Institute and the Citadel, which was a battle not for sex equality but to eliminate macho men. We see this in the implementation of Title IX, which is used not to give women equal opportunity in colleges but as a vehicle to abolish wrestling teams and other sports in which men outperform women.
The feminists showcased their goal in the New York Times Sunday Style section on November 3, 2002. The headline was "She's Got to Be a Macho Girl," and the subtitle was: "In a role reversal, teenage girls are the aggressors when it comes to boys." The article boasted about "the trickle-down effects of feminism" which have taught teenage girls to initiate sex "in a more aggressive manner." One high school senior pontificated: "No one is a stay-at-home mom anymore. Women don't have to wear skirts. We are empowered and we can do whatever we want."
The feminists constantly intimidate men with their assault on the English language. When Mitt Romney, campaigning for governor of Massachusetts in 2002, called the histrionics of his Democratic feminist opponent "unbecoming," the feminists exploded in tantrums of accusations that he had used a sexist word. Actually, since unbecoming means unattractive and creating an unfavorable impression, the word is most apt to politely describe a feminist politician. As Harry Truman used to say, if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Feminist Fantasies offers hope and moral support to women who want to liberate themselves from feminist dogmas and build a traditional family. The book does not recite platitudes on how to be a good wife and mother. Instead, it provides intellectual ammunition to help young women refute their contemporaries who disdain marriage and motherhood. My lectures on hundreds of college campuses, which attract large crowds, prove that students have never heard the facts and arguments about feminism that I have the nerve to present to hostile audiences.
Understanding feminism requires knowledge of how the feminists coopted our culture and built their political power. Feminist Fantasies tells this never-before-told history through critical commentaries that contemporaneously addressed feminist issues during the past thirty years. No other book in print deals head-on with feminism like Feminist Fantasies.

How the Feminists Built Their Power 

If you wonder how the feminists are able to wield so much clout with politicians, the explanation is in a new book called Guide to Feminist Organizations. As Midge Decter says in her foreword, this book is long overdue, and we thank Capital Research Center and author Kimberly Schuld for providing such a useful tool.
By setting forth the facts about 35 feminist groups, this guide clarifies how the radical feminists built their political power so that they are falsely touted by the media as the voice of "women," even though all polls show that the big majority of women reject the label "feminist." The feminists did it by organization, networking and lots of money, much of which came from leftwing foundations, corporations headed by weak-kneed executives, and grants of taxpayer funds.
The feminist groups detailed in the guide include the noisy activist organizations, the decades-old women's groups that had respectable reputations until they were captured by the feminists, the think tanks that grind out dubious data to fortify feminist follies, and the abortion-propaganda groups masquerading under the euphemism "women's health." Networking keeps them "on message" and well-funded. Feminist organizations even demand that government fund their ideologies and themselves, and transfer to feminists the power they think that men now enjoy.
These groups may appear to have different missions, but they have a common ideology: Women are victims of an oppressive patriarchal society, and all men are guilty both individually and collectively. Women's problems are not personal but societal, and require constitutional, legislative or litigious remedies.
First among these activists is the National Organization for Women (NOW), which spent $5,292,025 in 2000. Loud and brassy, NOW lobbies for feminist and pro-abortion legislation, organizes protest rallies, initiates lawsuits, and always backs Democratic Party candidates and proposals. The NOW agenda supports all abortion rights including partial-birth abortion, gay and lesbian rights, worldwide legalization of prostitution, and unrestricted access to pornography in libraries. According to the guide, "NOW revels in attacking Christianity and traditional values, conservative ideas and men," with Rush Limbaugh, Jerry Falwell and Promise Keepers their favorite targets.
NOW gave unquestioning support to Bill Clinton despite his shabby sexual shenanigans. Tammy Bruce, former president of the Los Angeles NOW, spilled the beans about how Clinton bought NOW's support with taxpayer grants for "tobacco control" from the Department of Health and Human Services: "California NOW and National NOW received three-quarters of a million dollars ($767,099) during the Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky scandals."
The League of Women Voters abandoned its former credibility and became a federally funded lobby to expand the size of government so that it can accommodate expensive feminist programs. The League, which spent $4,620,246 in 2000, supports gun control, abortion access, universal health care, more environmental regulation, and increased power for the United Nations.
The American Association of University Women turned itself into a vehicle to promote off-the-wall feminist hypotheses that aren't taken seriously even in the academic world. AAUW spent $9,512,044 in 2000.
The feminists use the YWCA to teach radical feminism to the next generation. The Girl Scouts went feminist after they took Betty Friedan on their board; they dropped "loyalty" from the oath, began a condom-friendly sex-ed program, and made belief in God optional.
Most of the activist feminist organizations have 501(c)(3) sister groups with interlocking directors. They pursue the same agenda, including government-funded daycare, paid entitlements for family leave, unrestricted access to abortion, comparable worth, lesbian rights, affirmative action, universal health insurance, and anti-male implementation of Title IX. As the Guide states, "It's hard to see where NOW political lobbying ends and NOW Foundation education activity begins."
Funding for feminist foundations comes from many sources that ought to know better. NOW Legal Defense and Education Fund has raked in corporate donations from a long list topped by ABC, AT&T, American Express, Chase Manhattan, Colgate-Palmolive, IBM, Johnson & Johnson, New York Times Foundation, Revlon, Saks, and New York brokerage houses; from Ford, Rockefeller and other wealthy foundations; and $1,678,252 in government grants since 1996 given by the Clinton Administration. NOW Legal Defense and Education Fund boasted income of $7,318,269 in 2000.
Such vast amounts of money are used to develop political clout and enable the feminists to raise and spend millions of dollars in political campaigns. EMILY's List, which contributes only to Democratic pro-abortion feminist candidates, spent more than $20 million in the 2002 election cycle and is the largest political action committee, twice as large as the union that is second largest.
This political money has translated into a stranglehold on the Democratic Party and sycophantic cheerleading for radical feminist politicians such as Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton and their clones running in 2002. Follow the money and you will understand why Democratic Senators don't dare to cast any vote or make any off-hand remark that could be construed as interfering with the feminist or pro-abortion agenda. EMILY's List website boasts that Tom Daschle said, "The reason I'm here today as Senate Majority Leader can be said in two words: EMILY's List." Rep. Nancy Pelosi said, "I know that I would not ... be the Democratic Whip of the House without the work that was done by EMILY's List."

Hooray for Hootie! 

At last we have a real man who can resist the histrionics of the pushy feminists. It's so refreshing to know that somewhere there is an American man willing to stand his ground -- on any issue -- and tell the feminists he is not going to knuckle under to their nagging, extortion, pressure tactics or media tantrums.
William Johnson, known to friends as Hootie, is the president of the Augusta National Golf Club located in northeastern Georgia which has hosted the world's most famous golf tournament, the Masters, ever since 1934. A pushy outfit called the National Council of Women's Organizations (NCWO) has been trying to force the all-male golf club to alter its admissions policy and admit women. The feminists are not appeased by the fact that women can play golf on the Augusta National course; they demand to be members of the club.
Hootie responded by saying the club will not submit to pressure to change its admissions policy from an "outside group with its own agenda." Calling NCWO's tactics "offensive and coercive," he added, "We will not be bullied, threatened or intimidated. We do not intend to become a trophy in their display case."
Bully for Hootie! He probably read the Supreme Court's decision in Boy Scouts v. Dale, wherein the high court upheld the right of private associations to set their own membership rules.
The New York Times says that Hootie "counterpunched with harsh words and a complete resistance to bowing to the demands." The reporter must have been shocked, shocked that any man has the nerve to counterpunch against the feminists (even though the feminists have been claiming for years that they want to be treated like men instead of ladies).
The NCWO manifested its malicious streak by going to Coca-Cola, IBM and Citigroup to demand that they terminate their corporate sponsorship of the Masters tournament unless the Augusta National Golf Club changes its policy. The NCWO got easy help from its feminist friends in the media who then targeted only Hootie, but not the NCWO, as "defiant" and "angry" (words of the Associated Press), and as "defiant" and "combative" (words of the New York Times).
Hootie then announced that the club would cancel commercial advertising on the televised 2003 Masters tournament in order to protect the corporations from the feminists' wrath. The Masters tournament already gets the highest television ratings, and its fans will cheer the delightful prospect of watching a sports event without any commercials.
Maybe Hootie suspected that the corporate executives wouldn't have the stamina to stand up to the feminists. He's probably right. Most corporation executives get wobbly in the knees when the feminists start chanting their mantra "discrimination" and accusing the men of "sexism."
The feminists tried to use Tiger Woods, who won the Masters in 2002 for the third time, as a prop in their publicity stunt to advance their special-interest agenda. When asked what he thinks about Augusta National's rules, Tiger replied with the good sense that has made him a star and a role-model: "They're entitled to set up their own rules the way they want them."
British golfers also kept their eyes on the ball. A spokesman for the Royal & Ancient Golf Club, which runs the British Open at Muirfield where women are excluded as members, commented, "We take the Open to the best links in the British Isles. We don't engage in social engineering."
Under the Clinton Administration, the feminists made athletics one of the arrows in their campaign to emasculate America. They co-opted Title IX for their own agenda, sabotaging its original purpose of ensuring equal educational opportunity for women and turning it into a weapon to force the abolition of scores of college men's wrestling, track and gymnastics teams.
The feminists have been crowing that recent achievements by women athletes are the happy result of Title IX. But when a reporter asked for a comment on Title IX from Jennifer Capriati, one of the best women tennis players in the world, she replied, "I have no idea what Title IX is. Sorry."
The name of the National Council of Women's Organizations is a misnomer because it's not a "women's" council, it's a feminist council. The all-women's organizations I belong to wouldn't belong to it.
The NCWO has typical feminist goals such as Senator Barbara Boxer's current passion: ratification of the United Nations Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW). NCWO members are probably hoping to be named to CEDAW's Article 17 Committee of "experts" to monitor compliance so they can harass Hootie with UN backing.
NCWO's extremist feminist goals also include affirmative action for women, ratification of the long-defunct Equal Rights Amendment, pro-abortion and pro-gay rights legislation, government wage control camouflaged as "pay equity," the Clintonista feminists' use of Title IX, and government babysitting services. Its goals parallel those of the National Organization for Women and Eleanor Smeal's Feminist Majority, two of its member groups.

Militant Feminazis


I don't know where this term "feminazi" originated, although I heard it was Rush Limbaugh.  Whoever made it up, it is a good term to describe the attitude that some women have for men in general.  The word "militant" is just an enhancer word.  These are the staunch feminists that destroy homes and marriages.  I've met a few feminists in my lifetime and I could see that they were just begging to get into an argument.  Some women really thrive off attacking men every chance they get.  Many marriages have been destroyed by a  meddling feminist.  Of course, hen pecked husbands and sissies are exempt.  A real man is a threat to the feminist's agenda.  Feminism is sin.  It is wrong because it is a rebellion against authority (and against God).  God has ordained that the man is to be the head of the household.  The wife is to SUBMIT to her own husband...
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."-Ephesians 5:22
The Bible angers the feminists because it CLEARLY teaches that a wife is to submit to her own husband.  We read in the Old Testament that Sarah even called Abraham "lord."
"Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."-1st Peter 3:6
My wife is NOT a feminist!  She is a Christ-honoring woman and submits to my authority.  My wife hates feminism because she knows it goes AGAINST God and His Word.  We've been married now for 17 years.  She likes to make the feminists mad when we're in the store.  She'll ask me in front of feminist women if she can buy something.  You can see the dirty looks on their faces.  My wife likes to say, "wait, I need to go ask my husband" or "He pays the bills, ask him."  It drives the feminists nuts when a wife submits to her husband.  I really admire my wife's loyalty and obedience to the Word of God and me.  She's my best friend.
 "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones."-Proverb 12:4
Many wives today are "rottenness" to their husbands health.  They contaminate and rot their marriages until there's nothing left.
 "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands."-Proverb 14:1
America is filled with foolish women who have destroyed their homes.  A wife is COMMANDED by God to submit to her husband.  By the way, I'm not condoning domestic violence here.  No man should ever strike a woman (or anyone for that matter).  A woman needs to leave if she feels threatened.  However, this is NOT a Biblical grounds for divorce.  Say what you will, divorce is a sin!  People nowadays have the attitude that divorce is ok, but it's surely not ok with God.  A husband is to love his wife and cherish her.  The husband is to protect his wife.  If he doesn't, then he is breaking his marriage vows.  I always believed that a wife will want to submit to a decent husband who loves her and provides for her.  Unfortunately, some women can't be pleased.  I had a man tell me once how unhappy he was because his wife went and bought a new living room set and now they were in debt.  She was foolish.  Another man told me that he was cutting the grass and asked his wife for a glass of water and she refused.  She was rebellious.  God hates feminism.  I could tell you story after story.  A wife's purpose in life is to be a "help meet" to her husband.  Like it or not, a woman's place is IN THE HOME (1st Timothy 5:14).
"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."-Genesis 2:18
Feminism is not the same thing as women's rights, people sometimes get these confused.  Every woman is entitled to her rights.  Feminism is rebellion...rebellious women refusing to submit to their husbands (or refusing to marry at all).  Feminazis like to help destroy other marriages (especially marriages that are new or struggling).  Often, feminists refuse to marry (and resent any woman who is happily married).  The feminazi movement in America is trying to castrate men by weakening their authority.  The idea that it takes a man to do certain jobs is constantly under attack by the feminists.  It offends feminist women when I say that I don't believe a woman belongs in The White House.  Like it or not ladies, men and women are different.  There's just some things that women can do better than men...and some things that men can do better than women.  God made men to lead, it comes natural for them.  Women are natural followers.  For a woman to try to lead men is silly, she is taking on the disposition of a man.  I have met a few "He-women" (the opposite of a He-man) in my lifetime.  These are the "toughies."  These are the feisty women who like like to start fights, run their mouths and cause trouble for men.  These feminist women act like little babies because they have never grown up in their minds.  They are immature.   You can be liberated.
Woman are always poor leaders over men.  The women who are successful leaders have lost their femininity and act more like business men than women.  The price to pay to be a career woman is very high.  I read about women freezing their eggs and holding off on having children until their careers are over.  How insane can you get?  God wants women to marry, bare children, guide the house, and live above reproach (1st Timothy 5:14).  Feminism is an insane form of thinking in the mind of a woman.
"I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." -1st Timothy 5:14
Sadly, most women in America are fools and have little regards for God or His Word.  They have turned aside after Satan and sin.
 
"For some are already turned aside after Satan." -1st Timothy 5:15
Have you turned aside after Satan?  Are you living for self and sin?  Do you care at all about God in your life? 
It's not an over exaggeration to say that some women literally HATE men with a passion.  Some women don't even want to have a baby by a man, they'd rather have artificial insemination and live with another woman.  Whoa!  Talk about bizarre.  The entire lesbian community was created by feminism.  Yes, it true!  Feminism confuses both women and men about who they are.  Feminism is one of the most destructive forces in the United States today, if not the most.  It is also the primary cause of divorce.  The divorce rate has been steadily increasing ever since the turn of the 20th century.  As feminism has crept like disease into our homes, women today rarely wear dresses anymore.  Increasingly...American women are becoming arrogant, boisterous, rebellious, hateful, perverted, psychotic, home-wreckers.  A virtuous woman is hard to find nowadays.  America is filled today with "careless daughters" as the Bible calls them...
"Rise up, ye women that are at ease; hear my voice, ye careless daughters; give ear unto my speech."-Isaiah 32:9
Where are the women of God? 
Are you a careless daughter?  Are you a feminazi?  Are you a bossy wife?  Are you a meddling fool?  You don't need to be.  God loves all people, men and women.  We all need to rise above the childish fighting between each other and see the greater causes in life.   Feminism is so shallow!  A strong women doesn't need to prove anything, just as a real man needs not to prove anything.  Life is too short to live with a burden of hatred.  We must give our hearts to Jesus Christ our God and let Him change us.

Put on your bras, shave your armpits and quit your bitching.

Why do so many women insist on carrying out this war against men? Absolute gender equality isn't going to happen; we have gender equality now. Even if in a million years, men and women somehow made this unrealistic ideal happen, there will always be a sexual distinction between men and women causing some sort of inequality (if only on the level of basic physical needs). Or should I say women and men, as not to imply a male superiority? Why the hell should people go out of their way to be politically correct and use this "he/she" nonsense so a few chicks with language complexes won't be offended? Oops, I said "chicks". Damn. 
 
Why the hell do women get offended when they're called chicks? I don't see how that word can be remotely offensive in anyway. But, some women think it's derogatory and belittling. Some women are so petty, that they resent any male implication in the english language. Who cares? What if guys suddenly felt like bitching and wanted to eradicate all the derogatory male phrases from the language? Buster, Pal, Buddy, Stud, Hunk. Oooh, don't call me a buster, I'll be offended. 
 
Who's to say what's offensive anyway? Just because a few feminist extremists think that something's offensive, does the whole society have to change their way of doing things? I don't want mother nature being called mother nature anymore, but rather father nature. I don't want ships to be referred to as female anymore, but rather male. The phrase "she's a good ship" offends me. I don't want liberty to be a lady. Why does it have to be lady liberty? Why do people say "she's beautiful" when referring to cars? Why not he? Who cares? It's just the way things have always been. It's not meant to be offensive, so why doesn't the offended party pull their head out of their ass, and stop bitching about it.
 
Why there will never be absolute gender equality is because of the inherent contradictions between equality and liberty. For example, if a guy wanted to say a joke about women at work, or hung pornography in the work place, it would make the women work in an environment that may seem hostile to them. If someone at work frequently referred to women as chicks, and a woman was offended by it, the woman would then be working in a hostile environment. If a woman wants to be treated equally in the work place, then she shouldn't be offended at what guys usually talk about. I think it's unreasonable for all women to be content with whatever people do at work, and for guys to go out of their way to change their lifestyles to conform to what's politically correct. It's impossible to live your life without being offended at something. Violence, foul language, pornography, sex, religion, whatever it is, you're bound to be offended by it sooner or later. So rather than bitching about it, just deal with it and move on. Men aren't out to get women; we're not the bad guys. 
 
Why would anyone do anything that's degrading to themselves? Would you strip down in front of a crowd of people? Probably not. But would you do it if they were paying you $250 per hour? Or if they paid you $1000 per hour? Maybe then. It doesn't seem so degrading when there's a huge incentive for you to do it. So why do some feminist extremists think pornography is degrading to women? Obviously the women in pornography don't think it's degrading, otherwise they wouldn't do it. Their dignity has a price, and they were willing to sell it. They don't represent all women in general, but only the few who chose to go into that business, just as women who choose not to go into pornography don't represent the women who do. So the phrase "pornography is degrading to women" doesn't make sense.
 
What's the point of not shaving your armpits and not wearing your bras? If you like yourself better with hairy armpits, then by all means don't shave. But if you're not shaving to make some stupid point, you'r a fool. Nobody cares. You won't be a social outcast if you don't shave your armpits. Same thing goes for not wearing a bra. If you'd rather not wear a bra, then don't. If you want to walk around in public without your shirt on, then by all means do it. I'm sure most guys wouldn't mind. If you want that kind of attention, then walk around naked. It won't help your image with men that already think of women as little more than sex objects. What straight man wouldn't like to see a nude woman? I think women, nude or not, are attractive, as do most guys. I'd consider someone looking at me in admiration more of a compliment than anything else. Some feminists go ballistic when a guy looks at her breasts. Why? Not wearing a bra just draws more attention to a woman's breasts. While women shouldn't have to worry about some pervert always staring at them, it's bound to happen. Wait.. I've got an idea. If you don't like guys staring at your breasts, WEAR A BRA. It's hard not to notice a girl when she has a pair of daggers poking out of her chest. I referred to nipples as daggers.. Oops. There I go again, offending you crazy feminists. While most guys don't practice self-dicipline and don't respect women enough not to stare at their breasts, a woman shouldn't go ape shit when she catches a guy looking at her. Most women try to accentuate parts of their body that men find attractive anyway. Is this so bad? Who doesn't like to feel attractive? While it can be overdone, it's really been blown out of proportion by feminist extremists.
 
Feminism is in a lot of ways like fascism. Your average Fascist will disregard any scientific argument unless the conclusion supports his existing belief. The ideology comes first and the Fascist looks for anything to back it up, no matter how trivial, unreliable or discredited. Much like today's feminists and their ideology. Fascists attempt to rationalize their beliefs and portray them as truth by twisting the facts. A fascist might, for example, cast blame for unemployment and work discontent on immigrants "stealing" their jobs. Feminists similarly cast blame for women's lower average pay onto another party (men). Both feminists and fascists are quick to cast blame on someone else for anything that goes wrong in their lives. Most feminists seem to conform to feminist stereotypes. I can usually pick out a feminist in a croud of women. She'll usually have short hair, regular pants, a regular shirt, and an unbathed look; she'll look very much like a stereotypical guy. I think why a feminist might appear like this is to make a statement that "if men can do it and be accepted, then women should be able to". How bold, to go around and look like a stereotypical guy as opposed to a stereotypical girl. Who cares? Either way, you're an ass for thinking anybody cares about the statement you're making. If you're trying to prove a point to the average guy that's only concerned with women as sex objects, you're wasting your time. A guy that's concerned with women as sex objects is going to be concerned with women as sex objects regardless of how you look. Not every woman will share feminist ideals, so a possible argument that "if all women did it, then guys would have to respect us" isn't very realistic. If you really want to make a point, surgically remove your breasts. Or is that going too far? Feminism serves as nothing more than a wedge to further seperate the sexes, segregating men and women into cultures that wouldn't otherwise exist.
 
I'm pretty damn sick of hearing feminists bitch about men being paid more then women. If 100 male chemical engineers that worked for fortune 500 companies were compared to 100 female chemical engineers that worked for fortune 500 companies, their pay would probably be the same, if not very close. If it were not, then sexual discrimination would probably be a good candidate as to why it's not. The reason why women get paid less than men on average is because women and men simply prefer different occupations, and different lifestyles. If a woman decides to have a child, chances are that she would end up taking more time off from work to take care of her child than would a guy (if only for child labor alone). It's unfair, but usually the case. Women are usually more family oriented, and nurturing, while men are usually less sensitive and work oriented. All this is of course changing, but it's to be expected that women get paid less than men. If for example, pay for men in the armed forces was compared to pay for women in the armed forces, the men would probably swamp the women in pay comparison simply because of the militariy's past male domination & segregation policies. That does not necessarily imply the same segregation today.
 
I work at a telemarketing company. I'm a network operator. I've been with the company for almost 4 years (3 yrs, 9 months), and I get paid less than almost every woman in my facility, except for two. I get paid less than people with only a fraction of the experience I have. I'm living proof that not all women get paid less than men. Bottom line: feminazis, stop your bitching. It's nobody's fault but yours if you can't do as well as a man. Take responsibility for your own life.

Feminism - Don't Fight It

Oct 4, 2009

During a party I attended last weekend me and a couple of guys from Germany and France were slacking out; drinking beer and playing cards. Suddenly the party was raided by an army of feminists who barged in and demanded we socialize with them. Them being women and us being men, we didn't decline the offer. Ten minutes later and I'd managed to offend their flock leader, so they took off, and we had a good laugh. And it was right there that I came to think of it: fighting feminism isn't worth the trouble.

Feminism is like the karmic tar baby Brett Stevens talks about: the more you punch it, the more it will stick to you like glue. You can't fight it because the cause itself becomes counter-productive. Very few men are able to attack, criticize or make fun of feminism without coming off as defensive losers. Women who attack feminism are portrayed as victims of an oppressive housewife lifestyle. We might as well ask ourselves the question what good comes out of attacking feminism at all.

I've said before I'm not against feminism for all women and I stand by that comment. The reason for this is simple enough: some women have male-oriented mental and physical capabilities, and if they want to become the next Angela Merkel or Tyra Banks, I honestly don't see the problem. Feminism becomes a problem when it's applied to women as a collective, because they'll only shoot themselves in the foot and regret their lifestyle when they turn 40.

Many women nowadays postpone marriage and family, which is a problem if you want to maintain a civilization, but I'm not sure we'll be able to somehow force these women to form families and quit higher education. If these women really don't want to have children now, or at all, they're probably not emotionally ready to manage family life anyway. If they pick career over kids, they stand or fall on that choice. The most important thing is that women who do want a family early on in life have the possibility to do so economically, without necessarily ruining their chances of getting a decent job in the future.

My message to all men, who feel they need to constantly defend themselves against feminists, is to wait this one out. If women think they feel most happy playing socially dominant and physically strong, let 'em do it. We'll have a good laugh watching most of them fail and bending over in the bedroom despite all leftist theory--and those who don't and get far in life, good for them. We don't deny anyone happiness. We're Conservative realists who believe in human biological diversity (HBD). Depending on how you respond to reality, you will either become an asset to your culture, or a problem. Take your pick.

Children Need to Be Protected from the Cross Fires of Divorce

Divorce is Devastating for Children

In the midst of divorce, parents often lose sight of the way their children are feeling. I know this well from personal experience. My parents divorced, not once, but three times. Their last


divorce was what society labels a "nasty" one. They not only fought over everything they had acquired in 25 years but also tried to force my siblings and I into choosing sides. Fortunately for me I was married and out of the house, but my brother and sister were not so lucky.

My parents may have came out of the divorce thinking they got everything wanted but the effects on us, the children, were more long lasting than they could have imagined. I watched my parents tear apart our life, as we had known it. Today, as I think back to that time of destruction there are some things that really stand out in my mind.

Assure your children that they are loved by both parents. Don't shake that basic foundation just because you or your partner can no longer tolerate your relationship. Children have been taught to love and show love, now they are seeing that sometimes people stop loving one another. What a confusing time for them. Allthough you should not explain the specifics to them, you must try, in some way, to help them understand that they, your precious children, can never stop being loved.

Never, under any circumstances, say negative things about the other parent to your children. No matter how hurt or angry you may be, don't do it. This will tear them apart inside. Children should be allowed to love both parents without having to deal with adult issues. Be fair to them. If you feel you must vent, go to an adult, away from your children.

Avoid arguing, both in person and on the phone, in front of your children. You are speaking to someone they love and it hurts and confuses them to hear the things you are saying.

Assure your children that they are not to blame for your breakup. Because children are not mature enough to truly understand what is happening they naturally begin to look for a cause. And, because they are egotistical they often feel it is something they may have said or done.

Do not drag your children into court to strengthen your cause. You are forcing them to choose sides and will only bring them hurt and resentment. A child should never be placed in that position.

Make your children feel secure with their living arrangements. Suddenly not living with the other parent feels like abandonment to a child. They often feel a great sense of loss or even guilt. Explain to them that they




 must physically live with one parent but that they have full access to the other whenever they feel the need. Put your personal feelings aside and encourage them to spend as much time with the non-custodial parent as possible.

Divorce is definitely a life-altering even for everyone involved. And parents, remember - your children ARE involved. Try to put away all the hurtful, resentful feeling you have towards your spouse for the sake of your children.

Children of Divorce: An Experiment

A Million Children are Affected by Divorce Each Year

Divorce in the United States seems to be inevitable. The divorce rate currently stands slightly above 50%, causing a million new children each year to be affected by a broken home (Brodkin,
 1995, p. 30). Estimates show that 20-50% of these children will suffer long-term trauma, often because they do not receive the support they need from their preoccupied parents (Jenish, 1994, p. 38). Children of divorced parents are subjected to tremendous stress and are forced to find some means to cope with their feelings. My research involves the negative effects divorce has on children and the methods they use to cope, as well as a look at what families, teachers, counselors and law makers can do, and what many have done, to help these children avoid harmful suffering.

I would like to begin by noting that convincing people to avoid divorce is not always the answer. In fact, many children are better of dealing with a divorce than having to face parents who are perhaps abusive to their children or to each other. Children are not better off remaining in a home full of hate, anger and hostility. Family law Professor Nick Bala from Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario notes that in marriages rife with conflict, children may actually be better off dealing with divorce (Jenish, 1994, p. 38). Another point to address is that not all children are negatively affected by their parent’s divorce. An Angus Reid youth survey given to children of divorce shows that 80% of respondents said their parents marital breakup had either a positive impact or no effect on their education, personality, outlook on life and desire to get married. Bala does add, “In general, it is a negative experience. Some children, for reasons we don’t understand, are more resilient than others” (Jenish, 1994, p. 38).

The children that lack the resilience to cope well with divorce are and should be the focus of families, teachers, and counselors. The negative affects divorce often has can cause life-long despair. A longitudinal
 15-year study by Judith Wallerstein, a San Francisco-area psychologist, studied 130 children of divorce. She found that boys had a tendency to be immediately affected. They often became disruptive in class, began to skip school, and were more likely to drop out of school entirely than boys from intact families. Girls were more introverted with their grief. Wallerstein terms this the “sleeper effect.” They were likely to repress their fears and anxieties, which would commonly surface when the girls reached adulthood. This would often affect their later relationships with men. Girls of divorce are also more likely to become teen mothers compared with girls from two-parent families (Gleick, 1995, p. 53).

Both boys and girls of divorce were found to be at a higher risk for substance abuse, depression and intimacy problems. They are also more likely to become jobless and are twice as likely to get divorced themselves. The oldest child in the family is commonly affected the most. This is due to a common reversal of roles that takes place in the home. For instance, the oldest daughter of divorced parents often becomes the caretaker of the family as well as a confidant to the mother. This role can cause extreme stress on a young girl who is not prepared for this type of responsibility.

The degree of negative effect that divorce has on the child is likely a result of the failure or success of their coping methods. This can have major implications on the child’s mental health. A 1994 study at Arizona State University states that it is not the actual occurrence of divorce that really affects the child but rather the post divorce stressors that the child experiences (Sandler, Tein & West, 1994, pp. 1744-1763). Some of the stressful interactions that the child may experience are inter-parental quarrels, bad-mouthing, and missed visits by the non-custodial parent. As the child experiences increased stress, he or she should be expected to utilize more coping strategies.

In this experiment, the children were told:

“Sometimes kids have problems or feel upset about things. When this happens they may do different things to solve the problem or to make themselves feel better. For each item below, choose the answer that best describes how often you do this to solve your problems or make yourself feel better”.

The children were given 10 categories of coping. They are as follows:

 1. Cognitive Decision Making- planning or thinking about ways to solve a problem.
2. Directed Problem Solving- efforts to improve the problem situation.

3. Seeking Understanding- efforts to find meaning in a problem situation or try to understand it better.
4. Positive Cognitive Restructuring- thinking about the problem in a more positive way, minimizing the problem or the consequences of the problem.
5. Cognitive Avoidance- avoiding thinking about the problem, using wishful thinking, or imaging the problem was better.
6. Avoidant Action- efforts of avoiding the problem by staying away from it or leaving it.
7. Distracting Action- avoiding thinking about the problem by using distracting stimuli, entertainment, or some other activity
8. Physical Release of Emotion- efforts to work out stressful feelings by exercising or other physically oriented activities.
9. Emotion-Focused Support- involving other people in listening to the child’s feelings about the problem, or providing understanding to help the child to be less upset.
10. Problem-Focused Support- involving other people as resources to assist in
seeking solutions to the problem.

Some of the findings of this study were that:
a) the number of stressful events was a common cause of all coping strategies; b) children may try a range of different coping efforts over time to cope with any single stressor; c) the use of one coping strategy may facilitate the use of another coping strategy.

The 10 categories were then grouped in four types of coping: Active, Avoidance, Distraction, and Support. The results of the study showed that the use of distraction and avoidance was commonly used for short-term stressors. But this method was found to be particularly ineffective with chronic stressors. The use of avoidance immediately reduced anxiety but was found to be less important than finding ways to deal with recurring problems. Active and support methods were found to produce more favorable results. The study concludes by stating that future programs for children should aim at utilizing specific coping strategies, such as increase active coping or reduce avoidant coping.

With this knowledge, new programs have been developed to help children cope. One such program is titled C.O.D.I.P. (Children of Divorce Intervention Program). The program evolved from a study conducted by Arnold J.
 Stolberg and Jeffrey Mahler, from the Department of Psychology, Virginia Commonwealth University (1994, pp. 147-156). Because of the alarming divorce rate, a high demand is being placed on educational and mental health facilities. Within the school-based program, the children are taught skills to cope with events of the divorce as well as strategies to overcome disrupted developmental tasks.
To test the program’s efficiency, Stolberg and his colleagues created treatment and control groups. The children in the treatment group were taught anger control, relaxation, communication skills, and worked to master developmental tasks like impulse control, self-definition, and social skills. The teachers rated the children in the treatment group as displaying fewer shyness, anxiety, and learning problems, as well as showing greater adaptive assertiveness, peer sociability, rule compliance, and tolerance to frustration than the children in the control group.

The study also involved a parent program, which taught them to foster adults’ divorce adjustment, provided support, and taught skills to facilitate adult development. The results of this study revealed that parent participation only helped the children if the program aimed at improving parental competence.

Another program aimed at helping the children is called K.I.D.S. (Kids in Divorce Succeeding). This program is mandatory for all children involved in a divorce proceeding in Dade County, Florida. Enacted by family court judges, the program involves a curriculum known as Sandcastles, developed by psychotherapist Gary Neuman. He explains the point of the program by saying, “When kids see there are all these other kids experiencing the same type of things, it immediately alleviates the intense feelings of isolation children of divorce experience.” (Gleick, 1995, p. 53).

The children are divided into groups based on their age, with a therapist and a teacher leading each. The older kids are to write poems, role-play, or create their own talk shows. The younger children draw pictures of or talk about their families, or write letters to their parents. One such letter reads, “Mom, I love you. Dad, I miss you.” Another reads, “If you were divorced, you wouldn’t fight. I wish you were divorced.”

The parents of these children have a mandatory program as well that help them to put the divorce in perspective. Many parents have said that the program has helped them to understand what their children are going through and how to help them cope. They essentially learn the rights and wrongs of how to deal with the divorce and their children.

This program is one of many that are surfacing throughout the country. Maryland, Virginia, New Jersey and Florida require divorce education classes in many of their counties. States such as Utah and Connecticut have
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 enacted mandatory programs for parents with minor children that are entering the family court system. In addition, six state legislations are currently considering similar regulations. Former executive director of the Children’s Rights Council in Washington says, “This is the latest trend in family courts, and it is a lasting one.” The states are attempting to teach parents how to split up reasonably, and avoid the fashion of making divorce easier and quicker.
Even lawyers are taking a stand against dirty divorces. Lynne Gold-Bikin is a divorce attorney in Norristown, Pennsylvania, who also chairs the family law division of the American Bar Association. More importantly, she founded the Preserving Marriages Project. She states, “Divorce lawyers as individuals have no vested interest in saving marriages. It is not our business. But we know the problems more than anyone else. Every day we see kids being yanked back and forth. Enough. I’m sick of people not recognizing what they’re doing.” (Gleick, 1995, p. 52) About 3200 lawyers have contributed time and money to this program, which traveled to over 50 high schools nationwide. They are trying to teach the kids about the difficulties of having a serious relationship and some aspects of family law. Gold-Bikin is also hoping to create a marriage preservation program that corporations can utilize because they tend to suffer tremendous productivity loss due to divorce.

As a result of the many studies showing the negative effects divorce has on children and the educational value of the numerous programs parents are becoming involved in, studies are showing that more couples are now avoiding ugly fights over custody, property, and money. Although the divorce rate may never reduce in size, at least society can help in reducing the harmful effects it is having on our children.

It is my hope that as people begin to see the repercussions of their actions on their children, they will concentrate on ways to help ease the pain and seek counseling for their family. With the numerous studies revealing new knowledge regarding the effects divorce has on children and how we as a society can help, perhaps we can eliminate the negativity of the divorce. We can promote good feelings toward parents who are tackling the problem with their hearts, and continue to make new programs to educate not just the families involved, but the community at large, and perhaps attempt to eliminate divorce itself.