Ask Dick: Has Feminism Affected Anything?

Hey Dick, I have a question. In most of my life I have wondered how feminists have affected the media. For example, nowadays, a children’s presenter has to be clearly a young guy or they’re branded a pedophile. You get what I mean.


I’d really like some answers.

And I’d really like those barking-dog shock-collars to become the hottest women’s fashion item for 2007. Imagine what a utopia that would be. Every time a woman went to open her mouth, she’d get an electric Five Across the Eyes.


Women are too terrified during a crisis to say anything anyway. What’s the downside? At least this way they’d have an excuse. A sexy excuse.

Thinking back on children’s presenters, a few legends immediately come to mind: Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Wizard, and Mr. Rogers. Unlike any goddamn woman has ever done, these men brought smiles to the faces of millions of children for decades. That makes them a million times better than your average mother. I have a word for these men: legends. Women have a word for these men as well: pedophiles.

Women are so far up their own ass with how fucking great they are, they can’t give one ounce of credit to anyone who has ever done anything fantastic — or should I say mantastic. Women never get any credit for anything in the first place, so who can blame them. You can’t give someone a backwards purple nurple if you don’t know what it is. And it’s not called credit when you get the blame for fucking up, which women get and do constantly. It’s called blame. That’s why it’s actually called blame and not credit. Blame is all women know and that’s why they shoot it out of their mouths all day like broken sprinklers of shit.

But did feminism cause this?

Absolutely not. I was thinking about this while I was writing the above — that’s just the average day in the life of a man: thinking, writing, watching TV, snacking on some cashews, and not listening to someone on the phone all at the same time. I came to the conclusion that feminism has not affected shit in society.

The reason women call men children’s presenters pedophiles is because they’re immature and they think it’s funny.

Women have the emotional maturity of methadone addicts. They think everything in the world is funny. Shit, I make women laugh all the time and I don’t even try; they’re like retarded. You don’t even have to make a joke and they’ll laugh at it. And that includes laughing at the hard work and child rearing programmes put out by these brave men called children’s presenters.

Feminism didn’t make women behave poorly. They’ve been doing that for eons. Feminism just called attention to it.