7 Tips to Help Make the Adjustment of Divorce or Separation Easier for Your Child

Aug 14, 2009

Best Things You Can Do or Say to Your Child About Divorce or Separation

Divorce is stressful on a family. Children often have trouble understanding why their parents are getting divorced. Below are some of the best things you can do or say to your child about divorce or separation. 

7 Tips to Help Make the Adjustment of Divorce

 or Separation Easier for your Child

1. Reassure them that it is not their fault. Children tend to blame themselves when their parents divorce or separate. Let them know that nothing they did or said caused you and your spouse to separate.

2. Assure them that you both still love them and will continue to be in their life. Give them details on how you plan to do this. Make sure that they have a phone number so that they can contact the parent who is leaving the home when they want.

3. Give them the opportunity to ask any questions that they have about the divorce or separation, and how it will change things. Answer the questions as honestly as you can without giving them details that they don't need. Kids don't need to hear that a parent had an affair or is an alcoholic, etc.

4. Never fight where your children could possibly overhear. Don't assume just because you are in another room or on the telephone, that your child can't hear you. If things need to be discussed and you know there is a chance that it could get heated, plan to meet somewhere away from the children.

5. Don't use your child as a messenger after a divorce or separation. Communicate directly with your spouse and avoid asking your child to tell them things on your behalf.

6. Assure them that just because their parents can't get along, this does not mean that they have to choose sides. It is okay for them to still love you both.

7. Be there to listen when they need to talk. Let them know it is okay to be angry, sad, confused, or frustrated. Assure them that they can be honest, even if they are upset with you or your spouse. You can listen to their feelings and let them know you understand, without talking bad about the other parent.

Children need security, stability and they need to feel loved. Keep the lines of communication open and continuously reassure them that things will be all right in time. These tips can help them adjust to the changes

caused by a divorce or separation.

Children Are Not Pawns in the Chess Game of Divorce

March 12, 2009

Conflict resolution practices are a necessary part of negotiating through custody issues in a divorce proceeding. Identifying which methods best suite the parties involved, to reduce

 or eliminate the possibility of allowing the feuding spouses to use the minors as weapons to force their own agendas, will guide a successful negotiation. The purpose of this paper will be to focus on the identifiers that contribute to using minor children as weapons during a custody battle and how to manage this conflict from a human relations standpoint. The solutions provided will support the theory of conflict resolution methods addressed.

Divorce and custody issues are prevalent in America; with the rising statistics of the divorce rate, it is becoming increasingly necessary to take steps to protect the children caught in the middle of feuding spouses. Conflict resolution can be used to properly identify and diffuse disagreements that surface in the wake of a difficult divorce. When the practices of proper conflict resolution management are followed, the parties involved, especially the minors, will benefit from a well executed plan from well prepared mediators.

According to the United States Census Bureau, only 63% of American children are raised in a home with both biological parents, this figure is the lowest in the western world (Divorce Magazine, 2009). This statistic proves that our society needs to focus on implementing better ways to prevent divorcing parents from using the minors involved as weapons against each other. When feuding spouses are hell-bent on hurting each other, they do not realize the impact they are having on their own children. Often times, one spouse harbors resentment and chooses to take it out on the other spouse; holding the children as ransom against him or her, the bitter spouse has temporary control of the feud. Resentment and bitterness can manifest itself against the children as well, and the unreasonable spouse may not even realize the harm he or she is causing the children.

Self esteem in the children is adversely affected when they are caught in the middle of a custody battle. There are plenty of school guidance counselors who can attest to this statement. Children are well aware of the
schemes and attempts made by their parents to make the other parent's life miserable. Even the youngest children are aware of problems and inconsistencies in parental behavior. These antics only serve to inflict more pain and suffering on the children and rarely lead to any positive outcomes for the benefit of the feuding parents.

A child's self esteem is the single most important aspect of his psyche that must be protected by his parents. Feuding spouses will crush their child's spirit by their constant bickering. Studies have shown that a child's self esteem is reduced by several factors; an unstable home life and low perceptions of self will often provoke anxiety in the child (Rosenberg, 1989). Protecting the self esteem in a child should be the parents' number one priority. Feuding spouses who insist on using the children as weapons against each other are obviously not focused on the best interests of the children.

When low self esteem leads to anxiety, a whole new set of problems can arise for the child as he matures. Anxiety is a problem facing many adults today, and parents who hold bitterness and resentment against a spouse by allowing the children to be used as weapons are leaving their children susceptible to this growing epidemic. When anxiety takes hold at a young age, it can lead to lifetime of emotional issues the maturing child will have to face.

Anxiety is a distressing and debilitating disorder. It can lead one to feel dread and hopeless. Anxious thoughts usually over take the mind and cause the person to focus on events that may or may not happen, fear the worst in a situation, and create a deep fear of failure. Anxiety will lead "to a pattern of self doubt, inadequacy, and self defeat" (Myklebust, 1994).

Proper channels for conflict resolution need to be employed so that children are not harmed during the difficult season of divorce. Both spouses need to focus on the issue between them and remove the children from the equation. Attention should be given to the best interest of the children, but they should not be considered as pawns in a game of chess. Effective ways to express anger and emotions should be learned and implemented to prevent undue harm to the already vulnerability of the children. Identifying and avoiding the hot buttons for each spouse will also reduce the amount of stress and need for either spouse to feel compelled to act in a vengeful manner.

These steps can be taken through an organized and meaningful path provided by careful use of proper conflict resolution channels. Learning the steps of proper mediation will assist the feuding spouses in reaching a
 reasonable agreement concerning issues related to the children. Mediation is typically moderated by a neutral third party and the steps include an initial introduction of the conflict; the next stage will determine the issue at hand and allow each party to make a statement; the problems are then identified and the brainstorming and alternative solutions are introduced and negotiated; options are evaluated and then selected; finally, an agreement is made (Kestner & Ray, 2002).

This process is simple to follow but requires both parties to have realistic expectations and be willing to work together towards a solution. The mediator can do very little to bring the parties together if the parties hold grudges, insist on resorting to childish antics, or refuse to listen to reason. Each spouse has a responsibility to the children to do his or her best to focus on the issues between them and take the necessary steps to avoid further damage to the relationships between the children and each parent.

Allowing anger to fuel his actions, the bitter spouse will be ineffective at best in his attempts to negotiate with the other spouse or relate to his children. Self control over anger is the first step in maintaining a positive outlook and preventing the children from being used as pawns in a disagreement. The Bible provides plenty of examples of how and why being slow to anger is both necessary and expected. James tells us that one should be slow to anger, slow to speak, but quick to listen (Jas. 1:19-20, NIV). Anger will not allow for reason to be heard.

Angry parents usually cause more damage to their children without even realizing the harm they are causing simply because through their anger, they are blind to the hurt. It seems to be true when people act through their anger; they rarely accomplish their goals and may end up hurting themselves in the process. Even righteous anger needs to be controlled so that one does not allow pride to emerge.

Identifying the hot buttons of his spouse, the reasonable party can diffuse potential emotional outbursts or possible disagreements. When a spouse recognizes key words or actions that set off the bitter spouse, he can carefully choose his words so as to avoid the emotional response that typically generates a negative reaction. Refusing to act in an emotionally charged manner when a trigger word is used against him, the reasonable spouse can quickly eradicate an attempt to engage in warfare by the bitter spouse.

Often it is difficult to maintain a constant even pressured attitude when dealing with an unreasonable spouse, but it is the responsibility of the reasonable spouse to be aware of the triggers that typically set off a chain
reaction of events by the bitter spouse. If the reasonable spouse can learn to avoid reacting in a way that engages the angry spouse, he will create for himself and his children an example of a healthy relationship. The bitter spouse will eventually learn to relate in a manner that is considered acceptable once he sees that his antics are no longer generating the response he desired. When he sees he is no longer effective with his temper tantrums or childish threats, the bitter spouse will come to reason.

The steps involved in a typical conflict resolution model provide a practical and simple road map for dealing with feuding spouses. The theory of conflict resolution is most effective when practiced in a meaningful way intended to come to an agreement. When children are left out of the equation and the focus is given to the issues at hand, the parties can work together to come to a reasonable solution for their disagreement. The skills necessary for reaching an amicable agreement include avoiding the use of trigger words and learning self control over anger and the attitudes that ignite an angry response. Children are not weapons. Pawns belong on a chess board, and feuding spouses need to maintain self control and employ a neutral third party when they are unable to come to an agreement regarding the best interest of their children.

chain

The Politics of Divorce: When Children Become Pawns

May 16, 2007

Were your parents divorced when you were a child or adolescent? Did your parents fight for control over you and your siblings? Did one of your parents try to turn you against the other parent? Did you get to visit and spend quality time with both your mother and father each?
Many people can answer yes to the first, second and third questions but no to the forth. With a more than fifty percent rate of divorce in the United States today most people can relate what it was like to live through a divorce with their parents. Unfortunately, they can also relate to what it was like to feel like pawns in the war that was waged by at least one parent against the other.
It is understandable that by the time two people are ready for divorce there are many angry, resentful and bitter feelings accumulated during the course of the marital relationship. Very few divorces are friendly and amicable with the former spouses becoming friends. Of course this does happen but it is more the exception than the rule. Having children to consider and care for does not seem to mediate the types of behavior displayed by many former spouses. In fact, all too often, the most resentful and angry of the two divorcing parents are all too willing to display a vindictiveness directed against the other parent by using the children as weapons in the divorce and post divorce war. These types of vengeful parents do not seem to understand that the only victims of this type of behavior are the children.
During my years as a psychotherapist I have experienced many cases in which parents wage bitter custody battles against one another. In these battles, one parent is attempting to obtain sole custody of the children while severely restricting the visiting rights of the other parent. Under these circumstances you might be led to believe that the battle was being waged against someone who was alcohol and drug addicted and was abusive to the children. At least that would make some sense of the angry situation. However, in all too many cases there is no such addictive or abusive process going on. Rather, the motivation of the vindictive parent is to exact revenge against the other parent for sins having been committed between the two of them and having to do with their relationship and having nothing to do with any legal or violent issues. For example, an angry wife and mother may feel so entirely disappointed by the divorce that she is swept away by anger, rage and the desire to punish the former spouse by demanding sole custody.

Another scenario is when each of the parents places the children in the middle of their conflict by attempting to turn them against the other parent. They will do all they can to devalue and demonize the other parent in the eyes of the child. The wish is to win the child to their own side so that they will be permanently allied with them against the other.
Perhaps the worst case situation is the one in which the divorce takes place, the mother gains custody, the father moves away and a curtain of silence falls between the children and the absent father. While this is less likely to occur today in the age of equally shard custody, it does happen and with tragic consequences for the children. What are these tragic consequences?
First, children identify with each of their parents. If they are made to believe that one parent is evil they will come to believe that this is true of them, as well. How can it not be so? If that is my father or mother and I have been told that he or she is a bad person then it must be true of me as well since I am their child.
Second, it is common for children to misunderstand what is happening between alienated parents and to blame themselves for their troubles. They are also quick to believe that one or both parents are leaving home because he, the child, is not loved. In some cases, a child who witnesses a parent packing and moving may fear that he, the child will be told to leave home forever. Young children, with fragile emotions and dependent upon nurturing and love may pretend that they do not care that the one parent has left and throw themselves even more upon the parent who is present.
For the child who experiences the loss of a parent because that parent has been successfully blocked from participation in the child's life the consequences are worst. Most frequently but no always the parent who vanishes is the father. The child is left to imagine what became of the missing parent.
In fact, many studies show that divorce can result in children growing into adults who have low self esteem and more depression and anxiety compared to those who were raised by both parents whether the marriage remained intact or there was shared custody.
It is really important that divorcing parents communicate with the children that they are loved by both Mom and Dad and that the divorce is not caused by the children. It is also important to communicate confidence in the other parent and that Mom and Dad just cannot get along together and that these things happen but that they are safe with and loved by each parent.
Divorce is difficult enough for everyone without embroiling the kids in the angry politics of the adults.

The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

Sept 22, 2010

About ten years ago, I was standing in my son's junior school classroom. The teacher had stuck up on the wall the best essays on the topic: 'How I Spent Last Weekend.' One caught my attention.
Not for this little boy a visit to the zoo or the excitement of a football game. Instead, he had chronicled a weekend's battle between his divorcing parents.
'Mum calls dad names on the phone,' he had written in his laborious handwriting. 'We had cake for tea. My sister and I cry.' The teacher caught my eye. She had put up that story on purpose.
'I want the parents to see what divorce they are doing to their children. They should be ashamed of themselves,' she said.
My son recently bumped into that little boy. A decade on, he is 18, has dropped out of school and is on drugs.
Sir Nicholas Wall, the President of the Family Division of the High Court, agrees that something has to be done. He has accused separating couples, especially those from the middle classes, of using their children as 'both the battlefield and the ammunition' to try to score points in their personal disputes.
'There is nothing worse, for most children, than for their parents to denigrate each other,' said the country's most senior family court judge. 'The child's sense of self-worth can be irredeemably damaged.'
Six years ago, my husband and I divorced. It came as a great shock. But we were all too aware our children were just becoming adolescents - and that adolescence is perilous enough without warring parents.
We tried, not always successfully on my part, never to criticise each other in front of the children. Very occasionally, I even managed to emphasise his good points (of which there are many) - it was quite hard when at the time all I wanted to do was murder him.
A female friend was shocked. 'Why aren't you using the children against him?' she asked. 'I would.'

Her reaction is not unusual. The battlefields Sir Nicholas Wall describes are too often of the wife's choosing. This is because most divorces are initiated by women due to their husband's infidelity, as the fatherhood research body Fathers Direct points out.
These women are hurt and they want to get their own back through the children, money or both. They are determined the husband is as much divorced from his children as his wife.
One wealthy man I know finds himself, despite his riches, at the beck and call of his former wife.
'How can my wife hurt me? How could she bring me to my knees?' he asks. 'Through my children.'
The strategy is very successful. This otherwise powerful man submits to every capricious demand.
'With just two hours' notice, I had to cancel an important meeting and take them to the dentist,' he said. If he refused, his wife said, he would not see them for a month.
An advertising director found himself equally powerless when his wife suddenly moved from London to the Midlands with their two sons.
 

'She did not tell me. One day she just stopped answering the phone. Until then I had been seeing my sons every weekend,' he says.
By the time the case reached court, the sons were settled in a new school. The judge admitted that what the woman had done was illegal, but because it was in the best interests of the children to be with their mother, he did nothing.
'She had got away with effectively kidnapping my children,' said the father. His relationship with his sons has all but broken down. Their new home is too far for them to come to London. When he goes to see them, he has to stay in a hotel.
'The children get bored in an hour or two,' he says. 'They have their friends and their sports, which they would rather do instead.'
He tells me he finds the situation 'so goddamn painful. I try to play the role of a father - but how can I when I have been deliberately moved to the periphery of their lives?'
The situation leaves many men I have interviewed distraught. They describe the loss of their children as 'an emotional amputation' or 'a living bereavement'.
It is no wonder that within two years of divorce, half of fathers lose contact with their children.

As one man said sadly, divorce 'leaves many fathers on the edge of a bloody great abyss. Many fall off and are never seen again'.
Douglas Alexiou, one of London's pre-eminent family lawyers, agrees that the wife holds all the cards in a divorce case.
'Court order after court order is served. The wife claims the children are ill or just do not want to see their father,' he says.
'There is very little a court can do if a mother has poisoned the minds of her children against the father. There is no sanction against the mother apart from a jail term - and no court will do that.
'Perhaps one day a judge will be bold enough to jail a mother and finally set an example.'
In all this there is only one real victim - the children. If one of those wives was handed an axe and ordered to hack off a limb of her child, she would be appalled. Yet so many women are happy, even gleeful, to commit the equivalent emotional amputation on their children by depriving them of their father.
U.S. author Kathleen Parker in her excellent book Save The Males points out that in depriving a child of their father, 'we reduce a child's chance of a successful and happy life.
'Growing up without a father is the most reliable indicator of poverty and all the familiar social pathologies affecting children, including drug abuse, truancy, delinquency and sexual promiscuity.'
But this misery is not only the fault of the parents. The family court system is adversarial and encourages couples to fight, says Nadine O'Connor, campaign manager at the lobby group Fathers4Justice.
And change, she says, will be a long time in coming - until lawyers stop making their own killing from warring parents, children will continue to be used as weapons.

The World is Now Dominated by Women, Where Have I Been?

After hundreds of thousands of years of men ruling the world and everything in it, especially women and government

, men are now saying that they feel emasculated. Boohoo.
Via Broadsheet, I read about a study done by the Telegraph surveying the feelings of modern men living in the 21st century. About 2,000 men and women were polled for this study online and the outcome is quite shocking, in a “You got to be kidding me” kind of way.

“Many men believe the world is now dominated by women and that they have lost their role in society, fueling feelings of depression and being undervalued.”

Wow, you know, this sounds eerily familiar. Say, aren’t men guilty of dominating the world and making women feel as if not only they don’t have a role in society, but they shouldn’t have a role in society? In fact, aren’t men continuing to make women feel this way today? Why yes, I believe they are! I would love to be informed as to where all of these women are dominating the world because I am sure as hell failing to see this.
This “study” also has the nerve to include:

“Asked what it meant to be a man in the 21st century, more than half thought society was turning them into “waxed and coiffed metrosexuals”

So what men are trying to say is that they feel it is unfair for them to be judged based on their physical appearance? Wow, that also sounds like more of the same. It is common sense that no one likes to be told or believe that they must live up to a stereotypical norm when it comes to appearance, but come on now, get serious. Men feel as if they are being forced into looking like something they’re not? Take a look at every Maxim, Stuff, Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler magazine; in fact, take a look at any magazine or turn your television on to any channel or watch any movie–And then look at the statistics for eating disorders and tell me that they don’t have the least bit to do with each other. Women have been conditioned to hate their bodies, which is the product of the media telling women what men want.
And lastly…

“Men said they “felt handcuffed” by political correctness – only 33 percent felt they could speak freely and say what they thought, whereas two thirds found it safer and to conceal their opinions.”

I know many women who find it safer to conceal their opinions, since women have also been conditioned to be seen and not heard and to be the pretty face next to the strong and powerful husband, which can clearly be seen in any story where a male politician or sports star is discovered in a sex scandal; of course, the woman is always standing by her man with her mouth shut, smiling politely like she is told to. A woman who chooses to speak her mind freely and openly is mostly ridiculed for her blunt honesty by the majority of people who care not to listen based purely on her possession of a vagina.
It seems as if once women set their footprints in the wet concrete of history and start making own choices without having to consult a man before doing so, the men start to get all uppity. You would think that with men feeling the way they apparently do, they would begin to see what women have gone through to get where they stand today and that they would understand and appreciate the activism and determination in which we have fought for our rights and have a better understanding of equal rights. However, men believe that they are deserving of all power in all aspects of life and in society based purely on their possession of a penis.
While you feel completely emasculated, confused and rejected from society, welcome to the lives of women.

Most women do need to be dominated

Many if not most women do need to be dominated, some are quite dominant themselves, and actually need someone who is more submissive.

The problem as I see it is in training. There is a grand mismatch situation going on because people who didn't have the social structure to match their social status, were badly trained for their positions.

Someone who was raised in old money is not taught that having good manners means that they have to actually be submissive or believe themselves to be subservient to their ranking superiors. They are taught that this is a form of social lubrication, and that is all. Most I know don't even defer to their parents.

It's in the middle classes and poor that things got confused. Too many people actually bought into the trends and dogma, and they raised their young boys not only to be polite, but submissive.

Whenever one is training a child against their nature, something is bound to go wrong. Now we have a horde of educated, professional males who are socially inept because they were badly programmed.

My brother, a very nice guy and somewhat submissive, has no trouble meeting good women. For him, it's just a matter of choosing which one to stick with.

Why? Because he was allowed to play in the dirt, and get injured a few times. He rode a skateboard and has had more scabs and bruises than I can count.

He learned to get hurt, and he learned to heal.

He was also, like me, taught how to effectively handle bullies and other nasty authority figures.

Even though we were a middle class family coming from a poor family, we never had the luxury of trusting the system enough to buy its values.

When you've been the target of the beast enough, you learn its nature, and how to live and thrive in spite of it.

Nice guys who find themselves suffering at the mercy of the trend favoring bad boys need to wake up. The solution is not to become a bad boy, but to find your own niche outside of the system. So long as you are trying to operate (date) within the system, you will continue to suffer because it wasn't made for your good. It was made to put money in the pockets of people with exponentially more money than you.

This whole thing...the cosmetics industry, the diet industry, fossil fuels...It is fed by the choices that people make to buy and to use and to support.

The women who are spurning you are the women who are feeding that system that works against you. It is bigger than you...and it is a kind of a demon...maybe not a spiritual one but definitely an economic one. This is why it seems that the world is against you. This is why it seems that women are against you.

A drone is not expected to breed.

I'm not saying to throw away your electric shaver and stop driving a car. What I'm saying is to get in touch with your nature...with nature itself. When you do, you'll see the difference between nature and the system, and you'll recognize others who do as well.

You won't even want the women who are chasing the bad boys. You'll actually see what pussies the bad boys are, and view them and those who want them as pathetic.

A natural man can be submissive and still be strong. He can be dominant, and still be kind.

Don't be generic, and you will perceive life and people outside of generalities.

They're trained this way because it suits the needs of those in power. Women's liberation didn't have to come with male bondage. Even matriarchy doesn't have to supercede patriarchy.
What needed to happen to make a truly beneficial social change was for natural leaders to lead and natural followers to follow, regardless of gender, ethnicity, or any other superficial classification. There should be more female politicians and more male home makers.

What happenned was what always happens with humans. We can't seem to, as a group, get the equality thing. Even as we speak, countries that used to have good social aid systems are starting to question what a minimally decent quality of life is. On the face, people blabber alot about how people should be treated equally and fairly under the law, but when it comes down to it, it's all about the people in power staying in power.

They will screw all of us to meet their ends...and they'll do it from the inside out.

Have a good look at what was going on with the economy around the time that "thug love" became popular in the mainstream...and what happenned to it over the next 10 years.

What was the starting salary of a network administrator, chemist, or engineer then and now?

How many companies would propose to a prospective employee in these fields, that they work part time officially, but actually full time hours, with no benefits?

Think about this.

"Something is rotten..."

Meanwhile, this, "I need a thug," thing is reaching a fever pitch with no end in sight.

Granted, this has been great for some artists who were trying to tell folks what the gutters are like, but like Snoop Doggy Dog himself says...He is telling people what it's like so they'll make things better, not so they'll think it's a good thing. The gangsta style is one thing, and the life is quite another.

Americans have always been into the renegade individualist, but you'll note that whenever this was seriously in fashion, there was always an economic reason for it.

Good guys have to be thinking guys. Then and only then can they beat the system. The government doesn't want you to think, and neither do big businesses. They just want to keep their money.

If half the country is poor, they don't suffer from it. Do big businesses suffer in Mexico? In the Sudan? In Egypt?

Okay let's get really third world...Palestine. Do you see any Palestinian government officials wondering if they're going to eat tomorrow?

They will get fat off our sweat and labor no matter what we do. So here on the level of the proletariat, we have to live our lives as best as we can, and screw the government, big corporations, and their values.

Just because we have to work for them doesn't mean we have to live like drones in our off time.

Don't forget who butters your bread, but don't let them decide who's in your bed.

What Do Women Want? Here Are the True Secrets Behind What Women Actually Want From a Man

Men would love to know the answer to this question. Just like women want to know what make men tick and what they desire in women, men too would love to know what women look for in men and what they want in a relationship. The following will give you an insight into a woman's desires.

Women want men they can rely on

No matter how strong a woman is or how confident, she will always want a man who is stronger. This is because she wants to look up to him. Very few women want to dominate their men. This does not mean they need to be dominated but they do want to see self confidence in their man.

Women look for self sufficiency

No matter how secure a woman really is, if she is going to get into a relationship with a man she is going to find out if he is self sufficient. No woman really looks forward to supporting her man. It is usually the other way round! She needs to know that he is in a position to look after her!

A woman usually wants honesty in a relationship

Women hate to be cheated upon just as men hate women who are not faithful. If a man is honest and truthful then she is at rest. Being able to trust someone you care for is always a priority with most women.

A woman loves a man who is ready for commitment

Most women have a fear that the man she is dating will not be ready for commitment. A man who is unafraid of commitment is very precious to her. Commitment to her is a way of saying "I love you" and meaning it.

Women like to be pampered

What woman can resist pampering? A man who can pamper her and make her feel on top of the world is one who will have her love. Women need to be complimented and told how much they are needed.

Women need respect

A man who treats a woman like dirt or a doormat will never keep her! Women need to be treated with respect no matter what. She always needs her partner to give her the time and space she needs. No woman can endure bullying or complete domination for long.

Women want men with a sense of humor

A man who can make her laugh and bring a bring ray of sunshine into any situation is what a woman is looking for. No woman likes a dour and grumpy man.

Feminist Quotations

Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed.  If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes."  They will say, "Women don't have what it takes."  ~Clare Boothe Luce


I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is:  I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute.  ~Rebecca West, "Mr Chesterton in Hysterics: A Study in Prejudice," The Clarion, 14 Nov 1913, reprinted in The Young Rebecca, 1982


Women have been taught that, for us, the earth is flat, and that if we venture out, we will fall off the edge.  ~Author Unknown


The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, "It's a girl."  ~Shirley Chisholm


Women belong in the house... and the Senate.  ~Author Unknown


I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts.  After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough.  ~Clarie Sargent, Arizona senatorial candidate


Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.  ~Faith Whittlesey


Never let the hand you hold, hold you down.  ~Author Unknown


I wish someone would have told me that, just because I'm a girl, I don't have to get married.  ~Marlo Thomas


Women are the only oppressed group in our society that lives in intimate association with their opressors.  ~Evelyn Cunningham


Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes.  There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy.  ~Henry Kissinger


The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power.  You just take it.  ~Roseanne Barr


Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.  ~Cheris Kramarae and Paula Treichler


I am woman!  I am invincible!  I am pooped!  ~Author Unknown


I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.  ~Anaïs Nin


Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage.  ~Author Unknown


Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.  ~Timothy Leary


I see my body as an instrument, rather than an ornament.  ~Alanis Morissette, quoted in Reader's Digest, March 2000


I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want.  If that makes me a bitch, okay.  ~Madonna Ciccone


I was told that whistling wasn't ladylike, but I knew even then that women were simply not supposed to be that happy.  ~Anonymous, quoted in Kindling the Spirit by Lois P. Frankel


You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman.  ~Jane Galvin Lewis


When I see the elaborate study and ingenuity displayed by women in the pursuit of trifles, I feel no doubt of their capacity for the most herculean undertakings.  ~Julia Ward Howe


Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.  ~Joseph Conrad


History is herstory too.  ~Author Unknown


Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.  ~Lois Wyse


No woman is required to build the world by destroying herself.  ~Rabbi Sofer


I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist.  ~Sally Kempton, attributed


It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union.... Men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less.  ~Susan B. Anthony


One of the things about equality is not just that you be treated equally to a man, but that you treat yourself equally to the way you treat a man.  ~Marlo Thomas


There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.  ~Madeleine K. Albright


I ask no favors for my sex.... All I ask of our brethren is that they will take their feet from off our necks.  ~Sarah Moore Grimké


I am working for the time when unqualified blacks, browns, and women join the unqualified men in running our government.  ~Cissy Farenthold


I do not wish them to have power over men, but over themselves.  ~Mary Wollstonecraft


There are very few jobs that actually require a penis or vagina.  All other jobs should be open to everybody.  ~Florynce Kennedy


The test for whether or not you can hold a job should not be the arrangement of your chromosomes.  ~Bella Abzug


Instead of getting hard ourselves and trying to compete, women should try and give their best qualities to men - bring them softness, teach them how to cry.  ~Joan Baez, "Sexism Seen but not Heard," Los Angeles Times, 1974


I've yet to be on a campus where most women weren't worrying about some aspect of combining marriage, children, and a career.  I've yet to find one where many men were worrying about the same thing.  ~Gloria Steinem


Most women are one man away from welfare.  ~Gloria Steinem


I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly.  Tunafish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock.  ~Barbara Grizzuti Harrison


Feminism directly confronts the idea that one person or set of people [has] the right to impose definitions of reality on others.  ~Liz Stanley and Sue Wise


I asked a Burmese why women, after centuries of following their men, now walk ahead.  He said there were many unexploded land mines since the war.  ~Robert Mueller


Resolved, that the women of this nation in 1876, have greater cause for discontent, rebellion and revolution than the men of 1776.  ~Susan B. Anthony


A man has every season while a woman only has the right to spring.  ~Jane Fonda


A woman reading Playboy feels a little like a Jew reading a Nazi manual.  ~Gloria Steinem


How good does a female athlete have to be before we just call her an athlete?  ~Author Unknown


I've left Bethlehem, and I feel free.  I've left the girl I was supposed to be, and some day I'll be born.  ~Paula Cole, "Tiger," This Fire


The world has never yet seen a truly great and virtuous nation because in the degradation of woman the very fountains of life are poisoned at their source.  ~Lucretia Mott

It matters more what's in a woman's face than what's on it.  ~Claudette Colbert, quoted in Kindling the Spirit by Lois P. Frankel


To tell a woman everything she may not do is to tell her what she can do.  ~Spanish Proverb


Women are not inherently passive or peaceful.  We're not inherently anything but human.  ~Robin Morgan


Men will often admit other women are oppressed but not you.  ~Sheila Rowbotham


Be plain in dress, and sober in your diet;
In short, my deary, kiss me, and be quiet.
~Mary Wortley Montagu, A Summary of Lord Lyttelton's Advice


Being a lady is an attitude.  ~Chuck Woolery, Love Connection


Advertisers in general bear a large part of the responsibility for the deep feelings of inadequacy that drive women to psychiatrists, pills, or the bottle.  ~Marya Mannes, But Will It Sell?, 1964


Every time we liberate a woman, we liberate a man.  ~Margaret Mead


Women's chains have been forged by men, not by anatomy.  ~Estelle R. Ramey


I would have girls regard themselves not as adjectives but as nouns.  ~Elizabeth Cady Stanton, "Our Girls"


I am beautiful as I am.  I am the shape that was gifted.  My breasts are no longer perky and upright like when I was a teenager.  My hips are wider than that of a fashion model's.  For this I am glad, for these are the signs of a life lived.  ~Cindy Olsen, co-owner of The Body Objective


Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.  ~Gloria Steinem


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.  The relative positions to be assumed by man and woman in the working out of our civilization were assigned long ago by a higher intelligence than ours.  ~Grover Cleveland, 1905


If all men are born free, how is it that all women are born slaves?  ~Mary Astell


I listen to feminists and all these radical gals - most of them are failures.  They've blown it.  Some of them have been married, but they married some Casper Milquetoast who asked permission to go to the bathroom.  These women just need a man in the house.  That's all they need.  Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home.  And they blew it and they're mad at all men.  Feminists hate men.  They're sexist.  They hate men - that's their problem.  ~Jerry Falwell


[Feminism is] a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.  ~Pat Robertson


I think, therefore I'm single.  ~Lizz Winstead


I can't be a rose in any man's lapel.  ~Margaret Trudeau


Taught from infancy that beauty is woman's sceptre, the mind shapes itself to the body, and roaming round its gilt cage, only seeks to adorn its prison.  ~Mary Wollstonecraft


The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurse.  Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor.  ~Wilma Scott Heide


Whether women are better than men I cannot say - but I can say they are certainly no worse.  ~Golda Meir


Give a woman a job and she grows balls.  ~Jack Gelber


The feminine mystique has succeeded in burying millions of American women alive.  ~Betty Friedan


It's wonderful to watch a pretty woman with character grow beautiful.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966


How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!  ~Maya Angelou, in Chris Orr, "Moms and Whoopi: Pioneers of Black Theater," Plexus, November 1983


American women are fools because they try to be everything to everybody.  ~Viva


Several men I can think of are as capable, as smart, as funny, as compassionate, and as confused - as remarkable you might say - as most women.  ~Jane Howard


Not only is women's work never done, the definition keeps changing.  ~Bill Copeland


No man is as anti-feminist as a really feminine woman.  ~Frank O'Connor


Men weren't really the enemy - they were fellow victims suffering from an outmoded masculine mystique that made them feel unnecessarily inadequate when there were no bears to kill.  ~Betty Friedan


Sometimes the best man for the job isn't.  ~Author Unknown


Scratch most feminists and underneath there is a woman who longs to be a sex object.  The difference is that is not all she wants to be.  ~Betty Rollin


When two people marry they become in the eyes of the law one person, and that one person is the husband.  ~Shana Alexander, State-by-State Guide to Women's Legal Rights, 1975


Why is it that men can be bastards and women must wear pearls and smile?  ~Lynn Hecht Schafren


You know, when I first went into the movies Lionel Barrymore played my grandfather.  Later he played my father and finally he played my husband.  If he had lived I'm sure I would have played his mother.  That's the way it is in Hollywood.  The men get younger and the women get older.  ~Lillian Gish


Easy is an adjective used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.  ~Nancy Linn-Desmond


Isn't that the problem?  That women have been swindled for centuries into substituting adornment for love, fashion (as it were) for passion?  ~Erica Jong


Young wives are the leading asset of corporate power.  They want the suburbs, a house, a settled life, and respectability.  They want society to see that they have exchanged themselves for something of value.  ~Ralph Nader


Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, a good mother, good-looking, good-tempered, well-dressed, well-groomed, and unaggressive.  ~Marya Mannes


Women are the only exploited group in history to have been idealized into powerlessness.  ~Erica Jong


It starts when you sink in his arms and ends with your arms in his sink.  ~Author Unknown


To me, "sexual freedom" means freedom from having to have sex.  ~Lily Tomlin


And the crazy part of it was even if you were clever, even if you spent your adolescence reading John Donne and Shaw, even if you studied history or zoology or physics and hoped to spend your life pursuing some difficult and challenging career, you still had a mind full of all the soupy longings that every high-school girl was awash in... underneath it, all you longed to be was annihilated by love, to be swept off your feet, to be filled up by a giant prick spouting sperm, soapsuds, silk and satins and, of course, money.  ~Erica Jong


No one should have to dance backward all of their lives.  ~Jill Ruckelshaus


When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?  ~Edith Evans


We have to have faith in ourselves.  I have never met a woman who, deep down in her core, really believes she has great legs.  And if she suspects that she might have great legs, then she's convinced that she has a shrill voice and no neck.  ~Cynthia Heimel


The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.  ~Maureen Murphy


Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.  ~Isadora Duncan


It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.  ~Sally Kempton, Esquire, 1970


I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.  ~Elaine Boosler


Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.  ~Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals


Women are not the weak, frail little flowers that they are advertised.  There has never been anything invented yet, including war, that a man would enter into, that a woman wouldn't, too.  ~Will Rogers


Tomboys are an assertion of reality, of practicality.  Forced femininity is a waste of energy and resources, and therefore of oneself.  Live to live.  ~Morgan Torva


We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.  ~Gloria Steinem


Our only hope for the redemption of woman from the thralldom of dress lies in the belief that her hitherto limited sphere of activities has been so insufficient for her intellectual occupations that she has been forced to expend her thoughts in decorating her person, instead of enlarging her mind.  ~Mercy B. Jackson


There is more difference within the sexes than between them.  ~Ivy Compton-Burnett, Mother and Son


Because women's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it's our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos and if we don't we're frigid and if we love women it's because we can't get a "real" man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we're neurotic and/or pushy and if we expect childcare we're selfish and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical weak females and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man and if we don't we're unnatural and because we still can't get an adequate safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can't cope or don't want a pregnancy we're made to feel guilty about abortion and...for lots of other reasons we are part of the women's liberation movement.  ~Author unknown, quoted in The Torch, 14 September 1987


Why is it that only girls stand on the sides of their feet?  As if they're afraid to plant themselves?  ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams, 1990


Many beautiful women have been made happy by their own beauty, but no intelligent woman has ever been made happy by her own intelligence.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966


During the feminist revolution, the battle lines were again simple.  It was easy to tell the enemy, he was the one with the penis.  This is no longer strictly true.  Some men are okay now.  We're allowed to like them again.  We still have to keep them in line, of course, but we no longer have to shoot them on sight.  ~Cynthia Heimel, Sex Tips for Girls, 1983


I didn't want to be a boy, ever, but I was outraged that his height and intelligence were graces for him and gaucheries for me.  ~Jane Rule


We haven't come a long way, we've come a short way.  If we hadn't come a short way, no one would be calling us baby.  ~Elizabeth Janeway


A woman is like a tea bag.  It's only when she's in hot water that you realize how strong she is.  ~Attributed to both Eleanor Roosevelt and Carl Sandburg


The little rift between the sexes is astonishingly widened by simply teaching one set of catchwords to the girls and another to the boys.  ~Robert Louis Stevenson


Men define intelligence, men define usefulness, men tell us what is beautiful, men even tell us what is womanly.  ~Sally Kempton


Sexism is a social disease.  ~Author Unknown


Men are irrelevant.  Women are happy or unhappy, fulfilled or unfulfilled, and it has nothing to do with men.  ~Fay Weldon


One does not have to sleep with, or even touch, someone who has paid for your meal.  All those obligations are hereby rendered null and void, and any man who doesn't think so needs a quick jab in the kidney.  ~Cynthia Heimel, Sex Tips for Girls, 1983


Women are all female impersonators to some degree.  ~Susan Brownmiller


All this pitting of sex against sex, of quality against quality; all this claiming of superiority and imputing of inferiority belong to the private-school stage of human existence where there are sides, and it is necessary for one side to beat another side.  ~Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own, 1929


You don't have to signal a social conscience by looking like a frump.  Lace knickers won't hasten the holocaust, you can ban the bomb in a feather boa just as well as without, and a mild interest in the length of hemlines doesn't necessarily disqualify you from reading Das Kapital and agreeing with every word.  ~Elizabeth Bibesco


My advice to the women's clubs of America is to raise more hell and fewer dahlias.  ~James McNeill Whistler

'Mom's gone crazy:' 4 killed in Seattle shooting

Sept 23, 2010

SEATTLE – A woman fatally shot three people and herself at a Seattle home Thursday, injuring another woman who fled into the front yard and told officers: "My mom has gone crazy," police said.
Officers responded to a report of gunshots at about 1:30 p.m. and could still hear shots being fired from the house when they arrived, police spokesman Sean Whitcomb said. A man in his 50s ran into the house. Two more shots were fired and he ran back out, telling officers his wife had shot herself.
When police were able to go inside, they found the four dead, including a woman in her 50s they believe was the shooter, Whitcomb said.
He said police don't believe anyone else was involved.
In addition to the older woman, the dead included two women in their late teens and a man in his 30s, police said. Their relationships were not immediately known.
Assistant Police Chief Jim Pugel said a wounded woman — who fled the house and is expected to survive — was able to speak to officers when they arrived.
"All she said was, `My mom has gone crazy,' " Pugel said.
The woman, who is in her 30s, was in serious but stable condition at Harborview Medical Center, hospital spokeswoman Susan Gregg-Hanson said Thursday afternoon.
Whitcomb said police would not release the names or ages of the deceased Thursday, adding that the information will come from the King County Medical Examiner.
Police said two handguns were recovered from the house in a lower middle-class neighborhood a block north of southwest Seattle's city limits. No motive for the shootings was known, officers said.
Neighbor Bobby Miller told KOMO that police showed up almost immediately after the shots were fired.
"I just heard gunshots. I come out and cops were all over," Miller said. "Just 'bam, bam' and that was it. Then screaming over here."
Travis Rowland, 53, said he was about a block away waiting to get his truck repaired at an auto shop when he saw a woman run from the house hollering.
As police arrived, Rowland said, a man "busted away from the police officers and ran into the house." Rowland said the man was inside for about 10 to 15 seconds before "there were a couple more shots, pow, pow, pow. At first I didn't know who was shooting. He came back outside."

First woman in 5 years executed in US amid outcry

What are they crying about, the fact that this women committed a hideous crime, and shouldnt be put to death, or the fact that she is a women?
Just imagine a women getting the death penalty for killing her husband and son in great India? Indian government is slowly killing all men.

JARRATT, Va. – The first woman to be executed in the U.S. in five years has been put to death in Virginia for arranging the killings of her husband and a stepson over a $250,000 insurance payment.
Forty-one-year-old Teresa Lewis died by injection at 9:13 p.m. Thursday. She became the first woman executed in Virginia in nearly a century. Supporters and relatives of the victims watchedd her execution at Greensville Correctional Center.
Lewis enticed two men through sex, cash and a promised cut in an insurance policy to shoot the sleeping men in October 2002. Both triggermen were sentenced to life in prison, and one committed suicide in 2006.
More than 7,300 appeals to stop the execution had been made to the governor in a state second only to Texas in the number of people it executes.

50 Years Later and the Pill Still Hasn’t Given Feminists the Penises they were Promised!

June 25, 2010

After 50 years on the market, the Pill has radical feminists angry it did not turn them into men.  The Pill did not make women gender equal, it did not give women penises.   Women are still popping pills and hoisting boobs into bras every morning like enslaved women.
50 years of the Pill and women still have breasts!  Now that’s a true crime against humanity.
Radicals are furious women are still getting pregnant (despite the fact radical feminists encourage schools to teach children how to use condoms and simulate sex); after 50 years of radical feminism, why aren’t women evolving into men?  The Pill did not liberate women from that nasty, girly body Feminazis try so hard to be rid of.
If one reads the June 21, 2010 New York Times column “Let The Pill Go Free,” by Kelly Blanchard, president of Ibis Reproductive Health, one easily makes the above assumption:

“LAST month, the 50th anniversary of the Food and Drug Administration’s approval of the birth control pill was marked by a lot of discussion about the ways in which the pill has failed to deliver on its promises.  It did not solve women’s problems juggling work and family life — nor did it end gender discrimination or eliminate unintended pregnancies.  Clearly, approving the use of the pill was only the beginning of the effort to meet women’s contraception needs.”

Kelly, Darling, the Pill meets the needs it was invented for:  prevent pregnancy and help women with medical problems requiring extra estrogen.  You feminists are angry the Pill didn’t do what you really hoped it would: grow penises.
Friedan Mystics need Sweden to accomplish that, but that way is permanent: one can’t remove the penis whenever one wants to whore it up with men.  After all, isn’t the whole idea of women being liberated: act like drunken frat boys, have sex with all the men—or women—you can.  Now that’s being a woman!
Blanchard’s column was nonsensical.  She protests the Pill for not making women gender equal, while objecting to the fact the Pill is a prescription drug, she insists need not be, despite side effect warnings Blanchard names:

“It’s true that the pill could be dangerous for women with certain conditions.  Women who are 35 or older and smoke, and those with high blood pressure, are at greater risk of a heart attack or stroke if they take oral contraceptives that combine estrogen and progestin.”

Blanchard contradicts herself, claiming:

“[T]hese are not complicated conditions to identify; women already have to tell their doctor about their health problems when they get a prescription, and research shows that women can screen themselves for contraindications almost as well as providers do.”

In other words, women are held back further by doctor’s examinations, discovering if the individual body agrees with synthetic estrogen.
But women should be free to have heart attacks during sex.  For heaven’s sake, men do!
Blanchard says the Pill does not endanger life like aspirin.  Another contradiction to the real complaint:  the Pill did not liberate women, creating a genderless society.
Blanchard went from gender equality in her opening thesis to arguing the Pill itself is not being treated equal, not given equal rights to over the counter drugs:

“Women don’t need a doctor to tell them if they need cold medicine or condoms, and they shouldn’t need a doctor’s permission to take the pill.  Over-the-counter sales would expand access to safe, effective contraception, and help women take control over their sexual and reproductive lives.”

“Take control over their sexual and reproductive lives” is leftist for act like men; hate your female body, because you weren’t born a man.  Radical feminists are stuck in a man’s world they want changed to a genderless society where they believe women can have it all without asking permission.
Notice conservative feminists do have it all: husbands, children (if they choose.  Conservative feminists don’t view the Pill prescription as burdensome, they have brains enough to call in refills) educations, careers (some very high-powered), they aren’t slaves; they run their homes—just ask their husbands who the real boss is.  Conservative feminists are equal to men—except in gender—which they don’t want equality in, because conservative feminists love being women.
50 years later, the Pill prevents pregnancy, something radical feminists wanted, but are unhappy with, because the Pill didn’t gender them into men.
In actuality, radical feminists hate the human race.

Fascist Feminism: The Idea That Women Are Too Stupid To Think For Themselves

June 29, 2010

About a month ago, Sarah Palin had the gall to describe herself as a feminist. Then, a crop of Republican women rose to prominence — most notably, Nikki Haley, Meg Whitman, Carly Fiorina, and Sharron Angle — by winning primaries across the country. Nikki Haley in particular, an Indian-American Christian conservative Republican woman, was the victim of horrendous attacks from the good ol’ boys club in South Carolina. But she was able to rise above the crude attacks and still win the gubernatorial primary in her state.
Suddenly, conservative feminism is everywhere. Women have become more and more politically active, and they’re rejecting the hijacking of feminism that’s been going on for several decades. Fascist feminists have come out in full force against it, digging their heels in deeper and deeper. The idea that women could make up their own minds about political issues and actually believe in conservative principles infuriates them, because women are supposed to toe a very specific ideological line.
After several weeks of conservative feminist bashing from the leftists Lori Ziganto has dubbed femisogynists, Amanda Marcotte has chimed in, with a column saying that conservative feminism is the idea that women are too stupid to know the difference. And, as per usual with any fascist feminist, the nonsensical argument revolves almost entirely around abortion.

Marcotte argues that abortion is not harmful to women (without citing any references to back up her argument, we should believe that it’s the truth because Amanda Marcotte Says So) and that conservatives do not see women as equal to men.

Common sense would demand that one not agree that there could be a kind of feminism that would declare the entire female sex incapable of handling the right to bodily autonomy. But the anti-choice feminists swear they have an argument! The argument is that Abortion Is Bad For Women, because it thwarts women from their true desires—so deep and true that many women don’t even realize they have them—to bring every pregnancy to term, no matter how much they think they don’t want it. They marshal all sorts of made-up evidence to support this argument, claiming incorrectly that abortion causes depression and breast cancer and probably ingrown toenails. The conclusion is that women have to be forced to bear children against their will for their own good.
. . . .
But setting aside even these historical realities, the argument underpinning anti-choice “feminism” is one based on the very un-feminist belief that women are simply too stupid to know their own minds. The narrative that suggests that women only think they want abortions, but will see the light if forced to bear children is to paint half of all adults as basically very tall children, except that it’s legal to have sex with them. In the anti-choice view, every single woman who enters an abortion clinic and asks for an abortion is really just a victim of her own stupidity and gullibility, and only after she has the abortion will she see how wrong she was. (They need to believe this so badly they simply overlook the evidence showing that most women who have abortions feel relief, and even those who feel sadness often don’t feel regret.) Any feminism that starts with the premise that women aren’t equal to men, because women are too stupid to make their own decisions, is simply not a kind of feminism. This is definitional—feminism starts with the belief that women are equal to men, especially with regards to intellectual and moral abilities. A feminism that doesn’t accept this is like a humanism that believes that human beings are fundamentally wicked and undeserving of rights—that is, it doesn’t exist.

 Marcotte, interestingly, is the same femisogynist who recently supported the decision of the American Academy of Pediatrics to endorse female genital mutilation. And somehow, we’re supposed to believe that she really cares about women’s rights? She cares about women, all right — as long as, in her own words, women stick to a very specific set of women’s issues — and abortion more than anything else. In fact, she cares about abortion so much that she’s willing to lie and cover up the truth about the effects abortion has on women. While the emotional effects of abortion could be debated, the risks associated with abortions are facts. A recent study, for example, proved that abortion more than triples the risks of breast cancer in Sri Lankan women. It’s the fourth study within fourteen months to show a link between abortion and breast cancer. The other three studies examined women in the United States, China, and Turkey and found similar results. And many, many women do feel guilt and regret for the rest of their lives after having an abortion. But who prepares them for all of that?
But because abortion is so super important to women, why bother to be honest and upfront about the risks associated with it? Fascist feminists like Amanda Marcotte do not want women to be informed about the realities of abortion. It’s why they argue against pre-abortion ultrasounds. They know that if a woman is unsure about getting an abortion, and she sees what her baby looks like, she’ll be that much more likely to keep it, and fascist feminists like Amanda Marcotte don’t want women making their own choices. They want women to make the abortion choice, even though women consistently do not get the facts about the reality of what they’re getting into with an abortion. They’re lied to about the biological facts of the child they’re carrying, they’re lied to about the risks associated with abortions, and they’re lied to about the possible after-effects of having an abortion. People like Marcotte ignore all of that, because being pro-abortion is all that matters. Marcotte and fascist feminists like her are not pro-choice. They have the choice already made for women. Have an inconvenient pregnancy? Don’t consider any other options, just have the abortion and get it over with, and no you may not get more information first!
Furthering the pro-abortion, femisogynist agenda is more important than being truthful to women. And this is supposed to be pro-woman?

Conservative, pro-life feminists like Sarah Palin tell women that they’re strong enough to have more than one choice. Fascist feminists want abortion to be their only choice. They tell women that they aren’t strong enough to handle working and having a baby, that they can’t choose both, or that they can’t handle the responsibility of planning in advance to not put themselves in a situation of needing an abortion — you know, like using birth control or not having sex if you don’t want a baby. The insinuation is that women are too stupid to be responsible for their decisions, that they can’t think things through, and they can’t handle the “inconvenience” of a child. They look at women as perpetual victims, while pretending to champion empowerment. It’s hypocritical and it’s not helpful to women.
And that’s the real difference between conservative feminism and fascist feminism. Conservative feminists understand that women are equal to men, but that they are different. Femisogynists define equality as being exactly the same as men. Conservative feminists do not live their lives defined by a rigid ideology. Fascist feminists believe that you cannot be a real woman unless you believe in “women’s issues.” (Women’s issues are things like universal health care, universal day care, taxpayer funded abortion on demand, higher minimum wage, etc.)
Feminists like Marcotte don’t fight for equality anymore, they fight to make sure that women stay entrenched forever as helpless victims who must always adhere to a radical feminist agenda. Women aren’t supposed to think for themselves or make up their own minds about issues like abortion or health care — Amanda Marcotte will make it for them! It’s interesting that Marcotte would argue that men see women as very tall children who need their choices made for them, because isn’t that exactly what Marcotte’s brand of fascist feminism does? Women aren’t supposed to make their own choices or think for themselves, they’re supposed to only make Fascist Feminist Approved choices. You’re not supposed to disagree with them on any issue at all, and if you do, you’re not a real woman.
This is the different between conservative feminism and fascist feminism. Conservative feminism is the idea that a litmus test is not needed to define women. Fascist feminism is the idea that women are too stupid to think for themselves.

“Normal” Domestic Violence in Morocco is a Crime in the United States

Aug 1, 2010

So sayeth the Superior Court of New Jersey Appellate Division.

On July 31, 2008, a couple was married by arrangement in Morocco when the bride was 17 years old. They moved to Bayonne, New Jersey, where the new husband found work as an accountant. The husband’s mother came to live with them.
On November 1st of that year, “acts of domestic abuse” commenced. The young girl finally called the police who, on November 22, 2008 (three weeks later) were still able to photograph numerous, visible bruises all over her body, including on her breasts. Her first punishment session lasted for one hour, during which time she cried all the time. This did not stop her husband. He said that he was doing this “to correct her.” The second time, he attacked both her breasts and genitalia, including pulling her pubic hair. Her vagina was very red and swollen—and that is when he administered his ultimate “pedagogical” punishment: He raped her. In addition, on a separate occasion, he slapped her face, “causing her lip to swell and bleeding to occur.” At that time, she escaped “without shoes or proper clothing” through a window and was taken to a hospital by the police.
Sadly, this kind of routine and systematic domestic super-violence is not at all unusual among many Arab and Muslim couples, or among Muslim immigrants in the West. David Ghanim, in Gender and Violence in the Middle East, Nonie Darwish in Cruel and Usual Punishment, Cassandra in Escape From an Arab Marriage, Ayaan Hirsi Ali in Infidel, as well as my own work about honor killings all confirm the normalization of daughter- and wife-battering in Muslim Third World countries. Studies also confirm a very high rate of domestic violence in countries like Pakistan and Afghanistan.
Back in Bayonne: Thereafter, the young woman (hereafter known as S.D.), filed a domestic violence complaint and a temporary restraining order was issued. She stayed with a Moroccan nurse from the hospital. However, after she discovered that she was pregnant, an imam persuaded the couple to reconcile on the condition that the domestic violence cease. That very night, after this alleged reconciliation, her husband raped her repeatedly—and then locked her in, thus depriving her of “food, (there was no refrigerator) or a phone for many hours.”

In response, she broke dishes. The defendant, (hereafter known as M.J.R.), called his wife’s parents in Morocco and demanded that they pay for her to return to Morocco. On January 22, 2009, after this phone call, the husband forced S.D. to have sex against her will again. As usual, she cried the entire time. This time, he explained that “this is according to our religion. You are my wife and I can do anything to you.”
And then, her Knight in Shining Armor took her to a travel agency to purchase a ticket. He did not do so. Instead, he took her home again and raped her—after which he collected his mother, (who was not her daughter-in-law’s friend), went to the imam, and divorced her. Yes, even though she was pregnant. And, when this poor soul tried to get a restraining order, a lower court judge was, indeed, blind.
On June 30, 2009, a New Jersey judge first “rendered an oral opinion,” then a written record which, while not available, is quoted in the Appeal decision. While S.D. had “proven by a preponderance of the evidence that the defendant had engaged in harassment, and assault … the plaintiff had not proven criminal restraint, sexual assault or criminal sexual contact.” In fact, the judge felt that this husband was “operating under his belief that (sexual contact) was consistent with his practices and was not something (these practices) prohibited.”
Last week, more than a year later, on July 23, 2010, a New Jersey appellate decision overturned this lower court decision. They rejected the lower court’s conclusion which allowed “religious custom (when it) clashed with the law” and reversed and remanded the case for a new hearing. Part of their argument is based on a wide variety of cases including the decision which outlawed the Mormon Church’s “religious” practice of polygamy and based on other cases where religious rights were brought in opposition to U.S. law, particularly in the area of employment. Writing for the bench, Judge Edith K. Payne writes:

The trial court abused its discretion by finding that domestic violence had been committed but failing to issue a final restraining order; the trial court abused its discretion by finding that defendant lacked the requisite intent to commit sexual assault and criminal sexual contact based on his religion. We are satisfied that the judge was mistaken in determining not to issue a final restraining order in this matter in order to protect plaintiff from future abuse and in dismissing plaintiff’s domestic violence complaint.

The criminal law is the criminal law and cannot be superseded by any religion’s law. Domestic violence, including sexual violence, requires a restraining order, even if the parties live apart and are divorced. In this case, S.D. now has a child by her tormentor and is still living in the United States.
Bravo to lawyers Jennifer J. Donnelly and Michelle J. McBrian of Northeast New Jersey Legal Services who argued the case for S.D. and bravo to the Superior Court of New Jersey (Appellate Division) which did so; Judge Payne wrote the decision.
Thus, this decision is not really about the more sensationalized marital rape but rather about whether, based on all the domestic violence, including the repeated, violent and non-consensual rapes, this woman may continue to need a restraining order especially since she has given birth to her ex-husband’s child.
Yes, the lower court judge was exceptionally unjust—but many of those who have written about this case have focused more on the lower court decision than on the triumph of its reversal. However, they are also right: We, the American people, are in danger in terms of creeping shariah law being respected, feared, privately turned to, and even legally upheld by our court system.

Femisogynists Shocked To Find That They’re Raising Slutty Daughters

Aug 13, 2010

There’s a new nightmare on the block for femisogynist moms. Now that they’re all grown up and settled down with teenage daughters of their own, they’re shocked to find out that the sexual empowerment they’ve been championing for decades has backfired on them. How has it backfired? Well, the femisogynist moms are finding out that sexual empowerment has really turned their daughters into slutty teens.

Canadian magazine Maclean’s examined the phenomenon in a controversial article titled “Outraged Moms, Trashy Daughters: How did those steeped in the women’s lib movement produce girls who think being a sex object is powerful?” Confused moms who label themselves as feminists can’t understand why their daughters label themselves as sex objects, sleep around, and demean themselves yet call it empowerment.

But the generation that grew up reading Our Bodies, Ourselves is most apoplectic over what they see as the unrelenting pressure on girls to be sexual, and not on their own terms. “I’m so deeply pained to see where women are today and how girls—and I mean girls—are being groomed to believe their purpose in life is to be sexual beings that please men,” says Nancy Vonk, the co-chief creative officer of Ogilvy & Mather in Toronto and the mother of a 16-year-old daughter. Vonk recalls wearing satin hot pants when she was 15. “But it was a different time,” she says. “Back then there was at least equal premium put on intellect and what was in your head. It was the opposite of ‘Go out and please men.’ ”
Kate Lloyd, the director of program and service development for the Learning Disabilities Association of Ontario and an academic coach to teenage girls, says the heightened sexual activity concerns her. “A blow job is just like shaking hands. It’s ridiculous,” she says. “But their attitude is: ‘We’re emancipated; we’re liberated; we’re in control, don’t worry.’ They see being able to hold that type of sexual behaviour over the boys as power; I see it as giving their power away.” But one 19-year-old girl sees the double standard facing girls as more complex. “If men have a lot of sex it’s a good thing, but if women have a lot of sex it’s a bad thing,” she says. “Men have a biological imperative to spread their genes. But that should not be a reason to control women.”

So basically, the 60s era of sexual empowerment was OK, because they weren’t trying to “please men”. They were taking control of their own sexuality. Wearing skanky hot pants was groovy back then. But these girls, they’re just sleeping around! They dress like whores! They’re slaves to the men!
It was just fine for the femisogynists to dress and act like sluts when they were growing up. It’s not OK for their daughters to do it, though. What’s the difference to them, though? And why are they so confused about how it happened?

ne culprit for why girls are so hyper-sexualized these days can be traced right back to the extreme sex education being taught in our schools, with the charge being led by femisogynists to keep the sex ed coming. Girls have been taught by the adults in their lives to embrace their sexuality, have been lovingly encouraged to explore their sex lives in new and innovative ways. The feminist extremists gush about the brilliance of giving their daughters vibrators, they teach middle schoolers how to have good sex. Planned Parenthood distributes sexually explicit brochures to Girl Scouts and teach 10-year-olds about anal sex. Children are inundated about sex from extremely young ages about sex, something that the femisogynists encourage, and yet they can’t understand why teenage girls are sleeping around?
Consider how one feminist blog recently praised the sex ed programs in the Netherlands. What exactly does this consist of? Pretty much exactly what you would expect.

Next year, 12-year-old Sasha explains to me, they will learn how to put a condom on a broomstick (she says this without a trace of embarrassment, just a polite smile). Across the city, nine-year-old Marcus, who lives in a beautiful 18th-century house on a canal, has been watching a cartoon showing him how to masturbate. His sister, 11, has been writing an essay on reproduction and knows that it is legal for two consenting 12-year-olds to make love. Her favourite magazine, Girls, gives advice on techniques in bed, and her parents sometimes allow her to stay up to see a baby being born on the birthing channel.
Then there is Yuri, 16, who explains to me in perfect English that “anal sex hurts at the beginning but if you persevere it can be very pleasurable.” When I ask whether he is gay, he says “no” but he has watched a documentary on the subject with his parents.

This kind of sex ed is apparently going to be compulsory for all children beginning at the age of 5 this year in the Netherlands, and this program is being praised as the kind of program we need in the United States.
When this is what we are teaching our daughters, then how can there be any surprise when they turn out to be putting that knowledge to very good use? The other problem is that we have given our children a complete lack of boundaries when it comes to sex. Take abstinence before marriage, for example. It has become socially unacceptable for parents to tell their children to wait until they’re married to have sex. It’s not the “cool” thing to do, just like it isn’t “cool” to expect your high-schoolers not to drink. They’re going to do it anyways, so might as well teach them to be safe, right? But here’s a question.
If we take away the boundary of abstinence before marriage, then what’s the next boundary? 18? OK, so maybe that’s too old. Let’s say 16. But what if the teen says they’re ready for sex at 15? What about 14? Or 13? Where do you draw the line? The reality is that there has to be a line drawn somewhere. It is inappropriate for children to be having sex, but we’ve been indoctrinating our children that sex is OK for decades.
And we’ve also been indoctrinating girls to believe in some other harmful things as well.

The femisogynists gender bigots have been trying fervently to brainwash girls that men are oppressors, that the male patriarchy is trying to keep them down, and that chivalry is sexist. Forget restricting sex to marriage — if you believe all of that, you don’t even need to restrict sex to love. Nowhere in the article did any of the mothers even mention the words “love”, “marriage” or “family.”
The fascist feminists have been engaged in serious social engineering over the past few decades, subverting marriage and family. The word “father” is also noticeably absent. Femisogynists have tried very hard to make sure that fathers no longer have any say in a girl’s sexuality. But now that some of those activists have grown up and started families of their own, they’re realizing that they maybe don’t like the results so much.
And of course, we can’t forget about abortion. Abortion opened the door to sex with no consequences. It opened the door to men being able to use women and not have to deal with the responsibility of the possibility of a child. We let the sex genie out of the bottle, and for a while, femisogynists cheered it. But it seems like some of the femisogynists moms aren’t liking what they’re seeing.
It used to be that men had to prove their love and commitment before having sex. But femisogynists instead told women that they were better than that, that having sex like men made you empowered. Decades later, we’re seeing the results of this social experiment.
It’s ironic, isn’t it, that the very people who manufactured the social experiment are now the ones complaining about how it all turned out — and, as usual, taking absolutely no responsibility for the disaster.