Great article, if you like Feminazi Rant, always making sure the Women is the victim and Man the aggressor. Remember even to dance takes two.
Nov 24, 2010
For 10year Nirmala put up with her husband’s abuse and mother in law’s taunts.Many times, she thought of leaving because of the mental abuse that she was subjected to, but didn’t because of her child. However when she realised that things would never change for the better, she gathered enough courage to walk out of her bad marriage. She is now the CEO of a multi-national company and is bringing up her daughter all alone.
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My mother had been suffering physical and mental abuse through most of her married life. I remember her being resigned to her fate for most of her life. When she conceived my younger sister, desperately not wanting another child in her unhappy marriage, she tried to get the pregnancy terminated at home unsuccessfully. This attempt led to my sister getting birth defects. When I was 18, I went abroad to study.On my return, we found out that she had final stage breast cancer. She had not told anyone about the symptoms or bothered with going to a doctor and suffered in silence. I’m unsure what got to her finally- 25 years of abuse or cancer.
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Ever wondered why women — educated or not, rich or poor —continue to be victims of violence? Why do they put up with so much without a whimper? As the examples above show that silent suffering is highly over-rated.
For centuries, society has delegated certain roles to women and expects them to be followed. For instance, it’s the woman’s job to take care of the house, children. The cultural ethos is such that women are bound by such labels.
Stepping out of a role is still considered a taboo in our society and women are oppressed and controlled by few, especially men, who enjoy certain privileges. “We might think that education will empower us, but it’s not true. Opportunities may have lead to modernisation but this can also trigger violence,” says Nandita Gandhi, co-director of Akshara, a non-profitable organisation that works to prevent violence against women.
Men are not blamed when a relationship doesn’t work out. So there is added pressure on women to hold it all together. “Even today many women don’t want to earn more than their husbands because it will hurt their egos and can cause a discord in a relationship,” says Flavia Agnes, a lawyer.
Women are vulnerable and it is because of this, many don’t raise their voice against violence.The question of power is the biggest reason behind it. Violence isn’t limited to physical but is also emotional, mental and economical.
Agnes points out the case of Sabah, singer Adnan Sami’s second wife, where an alleged blackmail and humiliation case was labelled as one property dispute. “Violence especially domestic violence isn’t limited to lower strata of society as perceived. Everyday we get three to four cases where women are tortured or humiliated. And they belong to different strata.”
Most lawyers and activists agree there is little or no awareness about the rights that women have and even if they are aware they prefer to keep quiet because of societal pressures. Pouru Chisti Wadia, a senior research and advocacy officer at Lawyers Collective’s Women’s Rights Initiative, says, “Most women put up with abuse because they feel that they have no option. They worry about support, where they’ll go after walking out of the relationship. Most of them hope that things will improve in the near future and stay put.”
The Constitution has various rights which enable women to give equally and freely in our society. Also, under Section 498A of the IPC, a woman can initiate proceedings for divorce and judicial separation on the ground of cruelty. However, the reluctance of women to approach the criminal justice system and the inadequacy of the criminal remedy itself are important realities of our social context. “There is a need for a civil law wherein women can get a protection order or residence order without fearing being thrown out their house if they go to the court,” adds Wadia.
According to Yusuf Matcheswala, a psychiatrist, the reason why women don’t come forward for help is because they are too attached and more emotionally dependent on their partners. “Such women tend to forgive easily and don’t have the power or self esteem to stand up to familial and societal pressures. Hence, they feel trapped and continue with the abusive relationship.”
Dr Lakshmi Lingam, a professor of women studies at TISS, agrees and says that the notion of love has to change. “Control and dependence is not part of a relationship. Living and expecting abuse — physical or mental — as part of a relationship has to stop. Women don’t have too many role models to look up to in times of crisis. Many of them are too ashamed to admit that their relationship is not picture perfect,” she adds.
While winds of change have begun sweeping, these are still largely metrocentric and limited to a niche. Activists who work with women say that awareness has to be created through education where women and men both are taught about rejecting all kinds of violence.
More campaigns like Bell bajao are needed, wherein society as a whole takes responsibility for preventing violence against women. At a time when we plan moon missions how long can we negate nearly half our population? A question that should vex us as we go around chasing superpower status. Are we up to it?
Source: DNA
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