Woman writes of failing marriage
"I can't do it. I can't take it any more. It is always my fault. He is just so awesome, so right, so powerful, so witty, so charming in everyone else's eyes -- not mine. He is much bigger than me. I cannot compete with him. He makes me feel powerless, so hopeless, so scared," she wrote in an undated notebook entry.
The writings, entered as an exhibit at the trial of Manjit's husband, Mukhtiar, were available for members of the media to view Monday.
Mukhtiar Panghali's trial on charges of second-degree murder and interfering with a dead body ended earlier this month in B.C. Supreme Court in New Westminster.
Manjit, 31, disappeared after attending a prenatal yoga class in south Surrey on Oct. 18, 2006. She was four months pregnant with her second child. Her burned remains were found off Deltaport Way five days later.
The writings used at Panghali's trial included copied pages from notebooks, letters and a card. They appeared to be written to herself, her husband and her unborn child.
"I am writing today because I thought I would never let myself get to this point. I am clinically depressed and am on medication. I am so scared I am going to get addicted . . . I am feeling very emotional and overwhelmed with life and all the obstacles it is throwing at me," Manjit wrote in an undated notebook entry.
"My husband does not give me the support I need from him. Our communication has gone out the window . . . I think I have hurt him so bad physically and mentally."
In an entry from Jan. 12, 2005, Manjit wrote that she was crying all day and wanted to call Panghali but "he wouldn't understand."
"I am trying my best, my hardest, 199 per cent, to make things work. I have every book imaginable. I am readying and reacting and trying hard to implement what I am reading. Trying to stay positive. Trying, trying, trying."
Manjit often wrote of her dreams and plans for a happy marriage and wondered what happened to her relationship.
"We have taken each other for granted and our pride has come in the way of our hearts. We have hurt each other's emotions," Manjit wrote in an undated card to Panghali.
In May 2005, she wrote that she needed to stay connected to Panghali, "Make him love me again like he once did."
"There was a time when MP thought I was the most [nice] and caring person he knew. Why has that changed -- it's the disease," Manjit wrote.
The disease that she speaks of is alcoholism, something she dealt with by attending Al-Anon meetings.
In a letter to "MP" dated Feb. 15, Manjit wrote, "And I definitely don't want to bring another child into this chaos. The chaos can be simple: you drink and I don't know how to cope. You let us down by not being around. You get upset and mean. You're unreasonable and unreliable."
Justice Heather Holmes is scheduled to deliver her verdict in the trial on Jan. 14.