I grew up in Wisconsin so it was with great interest when I read about a revenge story last year. A woman, after finding out her boyfriend was cheating on her, decided to join up with his ex-wife and his new girlfriend to seek revenge. After catching and binding him, they took him to the same hotel he had taken all three of them and then proceeded to super glue his penis to his belly. He ended up in surgery and they ended up with a jail sentence.
What made these women behave so irrationally and desperately to get him back? Revenge is all about the feeling of being wronged while you were defenseless to protect yourself. You may feel emotionally wounded, but more than that you feel the need to take an action so you can feel in control again. Your motivation for the action is to let the person who hurt you knows how angry you are. Revenge is different depending on what sex you are. Men (raised to take action) tend to hit back or use physical means while women (raised with sugar and spice and everything nice) plot. Women's revenge is usually more thought out, which may make it more dangerous.
Have you engaged in revenge? It is usually masked by indirect communication. It may look like this.
1. Treating your partner poorly and justifying this behavior because s/he treated you poorly for years.
2. Having sex with someone else because your partner had an affair or because your partner doesn't pay attention to you.
3. Plotting or trying to hurt your partner or his/her lover either physically or emotionally due to an affair.
4. Giving your partner the cold shoulder because s/he doesn't share enough or is aloof.
5. Going to a cut-throat attorney for a divorce (in order to make your partner regret s/he was even thinking about a divorce).
6. Being determined to keep the children away from your partner, not because s/he is a danger, but because you are making them pay for what s/he has done to you.
What do you do, if you are full of anger and want revenge but don't want to do something hurtful?
1. As much as possible make yourself happy with other things. Happiness is the best and most productive revenge.
2. Do something. Write a letter and burn it or get active with a boxing class. Holding that anger in can lead to alcoholism as well as illness.
3. Communicate to your partner with words (this may take a mediator) about how angry you are. Revenge is caused by the fact that you are angry and the behavior shows that. Once this is communicated with words you end up feeling mature and in control.
Revenge is toxic to any relationship. No matter how good you think you will feel afterwards, those feelings usually turn into shame, regret, sadness and guilt. Before you think about keying his/her car … think about what words you can say to tell him/her you are angry.
What made these women behave so irrationally and desperately to get him back? Revenge is all about the feeling of being wronged while you were defenseless to protect yourself. You may feel emotionally wounded, but more than that you feel the need to take an action so you can feel in control again. Your motivation for the action is to let the person who hurt you knows how angry you are. Revenge is different depending on what sex you are. Men (raised to take action) tend to hit back or use physical means while women (raised with sugar and spice and everything nice) plot. Women's revenge is usually more thought out, which may make it more dangerous.
Have you engaged in revenge? It is usually masked by indirect communication. It may look like this.
1. Treating your partner poorly and justifying this behavior because s/he treated you poorly for years.
2. Having sex with someone else because your partner had an affair or because your partner doesn't pay attention to you.
3. Plotting or trying to hurt your partner or his/her lover either physically or emotionally due to an affair.
4. Giving your partner the cold shoulder because s/he doesn't share enough or is aloof.
5. Going to a cut-throat attorney for a divorce (in order to make your partner regret s/he was even thinking about a divorce).
6. Being determined to keep the children away from your partner, not because s/he is a danger, but because you are making them pay for what s/he has done to you.
What do you do, if you are full of anger and want revenge but don't want to do something hurtful?
1. As much as possible make yourself happy with other things. Happiness is the best and most productive revenge.
2. Do something. Write a letter and burn it or get active with a boxing class. Holding that anger in can lead to alcoholism as well as illness.
3. Communicate to your partner with words (this may take a mediator) about how angry you are. Revenge is caused by the fact that you are angry and the behavior shows that. Once this is communicated with words you end up feeling mature and in control.
Revenge is toxic to any relationship. No matter how good you think you will feel afterwards, those feelings usually turn into shame, regret, sadness and guilt. Before you think about keying his/her car … think about what words you can say to tell him/her you are angry.
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